Amanda Grange - Captain Wentworth’s Diary

I was sorry for her indeed. However, I soon found that her spirits had not been crushed, for she expressed her pleasure at meeting me, and she congratulated me heartily on my engagement.

‘Anne was good enough to visit me this morning and tell me the news,’ she said. ‘I am delighted for her, and for you, too. You are lucky to have won her.’

I assured her I knew my luck, and she declared that she was sure we would be very happy together.

‘I have brought Frederick here for more than one purpose,’ said Anne. ‘I have brought him here to help you. You mentioned a property in the West Indies?’

‘Yes, indeed. If you could do anything to help me I would be most grateful,’ she said to me.

I asked her for particulars and on hearing the details I felt she had a good chance of success. I offered to act for her, and we parted with goodwill on both sides.

I walked back to Camden Place with Anne, and there I left her, for I had promised to look into Mrs Smith’s affairs right away. We did not meet again until later that evening, when we went to the theatre with the Musgroves.

They were, as always, a happy family party. Benwick was missing, for he had promised to dine with an acquaintance, but the rest of the party was there. As we assembled in the box, Henrietta and Louisa were full of their forthcoming marriages; Musgrove was eager to talk of the gun he had seen; Hayter was talking of his living, and Mr and Mrs Musgrove were wanting to talk about their children, the shops and their delight at being in Bath. When there was a pause in the conversation, Anne and I gave them our glad news. They looked stunned, but Mary recovered almost at once and congratulated us heartily.

‘I always felt you were meant for each other,’ she said, though it was obvious the idea had never occurred to her before that moment. ‘I am sure you have me to thank, for I was greatly instrumental in bringing you together.’

‘Ay, a happy chance,’ said Mrs Musgrove, beaming with delight. ‘I am very happy for you. You would have always been welcome in our family, Captain Wentworth, for your kindness to Richard, but you will be doubly welcome as the husband of Anne.’

Whilst Anne accepted everyone’s congratulations, and sought to answer Henrietta’s and Louisa’s questions about wedding clothes, Mary, who was sitting next to me, turned to me and said, ‘If I had not kept Anne with me in the autumn, she would have gone to Bath with Lady Russell, and you would never have met. You owe it all to me. I will be very glad to have a sister married. I do not see why Charles should have two sisters married this year, and I not one. And Anne has caught the best husband, after all, for you are far richer than either Captain Benwick or Charles Hayter. Yes, I am glad that my own sister has won the best husband of the three.’

I could not help my grimace, and later, when Anne joined me, she asked what my expression had meant.

‘One member of your family is glad to have me, at least, but it is only because I am richer than either Hayter or Benwick,’ I told her.

She was embarrassed, and blushed, but she was too happy to be troubled by Mary’s vulgarity for long, and we passed a joyful evening. The play, I believe, was good, but neither of us paid any attention to it, for we were too busy looking at each other.

I called on Lady Russell this morning. There must inevitably be some awkwardness about our first meeting, and I thought it best it should be conducted in private. I was shown in, and there before me I saw the woman who had blighted my hopes eight and a half years before.

She looked conscious, and I felt a moment’s resentment ... and then it was gone, pushed aside by happiness.

I went forward and greeted her.

‘Lady Russell,’ I said, for she did not seem to know how to begin. I took pity on her confusion, and I went on kindly, ‘Once before you offered me your hand and suggested we be friends. I refused to take it, for I was not ready to make my peace with you then, but I am ready now. This time, I will offer you my hand, and say, “What is done is done, let us be friends.”’

I held out my hand. She hesitated a moment, seemed about to speak, and then took it.

‘I told you, a long time ago, that I would never do anything to harm Anne, and I repeat it now. More, I will tell you that her happiness is, and always will be, my first consideration. I hope this will reconcile you to the marriage.’

‘You are very generous,’ she said, ‘and I will endeavour to be the same. Though I do not believe my advice was wrong at the time, it proved wrong in the event. I believe you love each other sincerely and deeply, and though I wished for a better match for her in terms of rank—I am being honest, you see—I think she could not make a better match in terms of mutual loyalty and affection.’

I made her a bow, and assured her again of my determination to make Anne happy, and we parted, if not friends, then, at least, as two people who had reached a point of understanding and respect.

I told Anne of our meeting when we dined together at the house of some of our Bath acquaintance.

‘Lady Russell told me about your visit. I am glad you went,’ said Anne. ‘In time, she will come to love you as much as I do, and then my happiness will be complete.’

News of our engagement had spread, and we found ourselves being congratulated on all sides. Benwick looked at me with a sense of relief and satisfaction, and when we were sitting over the port, he said to me, ‘This takes a weight off my mind, Wentworth. I was not sure, when you came to Lyme in November, if you were in love with Louisa. I held back at first, for I did not wish to cause you harm, but when you went away and did not come back, I began to understand that there had not been a serious attachment, and so I allowed myself to fall in love with her. She is such an intelligent girl, with such expressive eyes and such a gentle character. Moreover, she does not remind me of’—his voice became low and wistful—‘Fanny.’

I gave him an understanding look, for I began to see how it had been for him. Another girl like Fanny would have reminded him too much of his first love. A girl who was the opposite would not.

‘I still remember her, Wentworth, but now it is not with pain, it is with warmth,’ he said. ‘I am grateful that I was fortunate enough to know her. God knows, I suffered when she died ... well, you know, you were there,’ he said, gripping the stem of his glass, as his feelings overcame him. ‘But all things must pass, or at least lessen, even grief. It is still there, but not as strong, and although I will miss her always, I have other joys now to attach me to life. I am persuaded that Fanny would have wanted it that way.’

‘She would,’ I said fervently. ‘She was an intelligent young woman who enjoyed life. She would not have wanted you to waste yours in painful memories.’

He smiled gratefully.

‘That is what I think. Harville is finding it difficult to accept this new love—no, do not protest, you know it as well as I. And so he should. He was Fanny’s brother. I do not say he was glad to see me in pain, but it is only natural that someone who loved her as much as he did, should want to know that she is missed by others who loved her as well. But he is a good fellow, and glad to see me emerge from despair. He likes Louisa, and the circumstances of our romance are such as to touch the coldest heart.’ He shook his head, recalling the circumstances. ‘When I think that Louisa, too, might have been dead. She looked so lifeless when she was taken up after the fall.’

I remembered that moment well. It had affected us all.

‘But a strange thing happened,’ he said, his voice becoming stronger. ‘As I saw her recovering from her deathlike state, so, too, I felt myself recovering from mine. I found myself, at last, able to love again. I am a lucky man to have been give a second chance, Wentworth,’ he said.

‘A second chance!’ I said, much struck, knowing that I, too, had been given a second chance with Anne.

‘What is it?’ he asked, sensing a change in my manner.

I simply smiled, for he had never known of our first engagement.

‘Nothing, save that I agree with you. To second chances,’ I said, raising my glass.

The general conversation having died down at just that moment, the words were taken up as a toast. Glasses were raised, and all about me I heard the cry, ‘To second chances!’

Anne and I found ourselves much looked at in church this morning, for our engagement is the talk of Bath. We were congratulated by those who had not yet had an opportunity to give us their best wishes, and even Mr Elliot managed to bow from the other side of the church, though he could not bring himself to wish us happy.

Mrs Clay was very pleased, for Mr Elliot’s fall from favour meant she was free to catch Sir Walter if she pleased. I asked Anne if she thought it prudent to warn her father of Mrs Clay’s intent.

‘It would do no good,’ she said. ‘I tried to warn Elizabeth last year, but she dismissed the notion. My father would only do the same. Worse, it might put the idea into his mind.’

‘Then you are right to say nothing.’ I did not like the idea of Mrs Clay living at Kellynch Hall, if she managed to marry Sir Walter, and so I voiced an idea that had been in my mind for some time. ‘I have been thinking about Kellynch, Anne. Do you think your father would sell it to me? If it is not an inalienable part of the estate, then he can sell it if he wishes. It would clear his debts at once, and Kellynch would still remain in the family. Moreover, you would be able to take your mother’s place as the mistress of Kellynch Hall.’