He was determined, like all those times growing up, to be strong for his mom’s sake. Even though he’d been determined on New Year’s Eve to see and talk to Sofie, in the last few days, watching his dad deteriorate before his eyes, he needed to focus now on his parents. He needed to get his dad situated in a hospice before he left. The house needed to be sold because his dad wasn’t going to be around for long. Then he needed to step up and look after his mom as his dad had asked him to when he could still hold a conversation without going into an agonizing fit of coughing.

It was all he was focusing on now, even though a small stubborn part of him still wished he could’ve talked to Sofia one last time.

His number was called, and Brandon stepped up to pay for his father meds. He stared at the pharmacist as the man gave him some brief instructions, but Brandon barely heard anything he said. He paid and walked numbly through the store.

The moment he saw her car he froze. Sofie pulled into a parking spot and got out of her car. Brandon walked back into the store, not even sure what he’d say or how he’d approach her. All he knew was she was alone and this could be his last chance ever to speak with her.

He stood behind one of the magazine racks so she wouldn’t see him immediately and watched as she walked in and passed him. Watching, he waited until she’d stopped somewhere. When he saw her stop in the shampoo aisle, he was hit with brief reminder of how good her hair had smelled that day he kissed her. He’d come up from behind her, and, aside from how incredible it felt to have her body pressed against his, it was the first thing he’d noticed.

Gulping, he walked toward her slowly. The closer he got, the more he knew exactly what he wanted her to know. After his drunken fiasco in front of her entire family, he knew if things weren’t impossible between them before, they were now. But he still had to tell her.

“Hey, Sof,”

The moment she looked up at him she flinched. “Brandon!” Those beautiful eyes that had once smiled at him so warmly stared at him completely alarmed before looking around. “Did you follow me?”

“No, I was on my way out when I saw you pull in.”

“I can’t be around you. You have to understand—”

I know, Sof,” he said, cutting her off because he didn’t want to hear about her being so fucking forbidden to him anymore. “I just hoped I could speak with you before I left. Do you have a few minutes so we could go somewhere more private?”

“No!” She practically gasped.

Looking into her eyes this close again did something to him. She’d been the only one who could elicit these kinds of feeling in him. But now he felt something else—tortured. Any hope he had with her was gone. Yet he still needed her to hear what he had to say so he could just let it out and it wouldn’t be inside him anymore, tormenting him.

He glanced around, feeling desperate, and an emotion so unfamiliar began to overwhelm him. “Can you give me a second then, here?”

Sofia stared at him, still looking very apprehensive. “Make it fast.”

His emotions nearly betrayed him before he spoke, but he held it together and told her. “My old man is dying.”

The look of apprehension on her face was immediately replaced with that of surprise then complete sympathy. Brandon told her all about his father’s lung cancer and how they’d be selling the house. Then he apologized for all the troubles he’d caused her and grief he put her family through on New Year’s Eve.

She didn’t comment on his apology; instead, she stared at him, her eyes completely distraught, and shook her head. “I’m so sorry, Brandon. I had no idea.”

He explained he was just there to pick up his old man’s meds, showing her the bag, but that he was glad he’d run into her because there was more he needed to tell her.

Sofie stared at the bag of meds for a moment then back at him a bit confused. “Tell me what?”

It felt wrong telling her right there in the middle of a drug store. “Are you sure we can’t go somewhere else to talk?”

“No way, Brandon,” she said immediately, and he knew there was no way she was going to budge.

He’d have to tell her here or forever hold it in. “I’m in love with you, Sof.”

The moment he heard his whispered words he knew he’d made a mistake because he had to swallow back the giant-sized boulder in his throat that had been building the entire past week as he watched his dad slowly withering away. But it was too late now. It was too late to take it back, so he held it together, determined to finish. “I thought I was in high school. Last summer only confirmed it. I almost didn’t re-enlist because of that kiss.”

Her eyes welled up, but she said nothing. She didn’t have to. Her shaking head was enough, but the expression of pity on her face was just another blow to his already aching heart.

“Don’t worry. I know it’s impossible. I just needed to tell you before I left.” He swatted the one fucking tear that escaped the corner of his eye away. “I needed to say it to you if only once. I’m glad I got the chance.” He didn’t wait for her to respond. He couldn’t. He had to get out of there now, but he couldn’t resist the urge to touch her just one last time, so he reached out and squeezed her shoulder. “Good-bye, Sof.”

That was it. He couldn’t stand there for even another moment and look into those stunned eyes, eyes that said without a doubt he’d been completely wrong. She’d never felt for him what he he’d been so delusional enough to think she might.

Pushing through the front doors of the store, he nearly growled. He was infuriated that he’d been so close to losing it in front of her, something he’d vowed years ago he’d never do, not when he’d had to watch his mother suffer at the mercy of his father’s rage, not when his dad turned that same rage on him, not even when he found out his father was dying, and certainly not over feeling his heart crushed by the only girl he’d ever had feelings for.

Nothing had ever been so clear and so fast. He felt like a complete idiot now. All this time, he’d secretly been banking on the possibility that, deep inside, what he thought he felt from Sofie last summer had been real. Even when she’d taken it back just before he left again, making it clear she’d only been curious, his delusional heart was convinced she was just covering up—clearing her conscience.

The painful truth had never been so infuriatingly clear. She’d only been curious about what it’d be like to be with someone like him, someone she’d never take seriously in real life. So she’d used the opportunity with his desperate ass to indulge that forbidden curiosity.

Throwing his dad’s meds on the passenger seat, he banged on the steering wheel. He’d almost done what he held back from doing all his life—something he’d promised his dad he wouldn’t even do at his funeral—for a girl who never gave a shit about him. He’d almost broken down.

He finally understood what his father had meant all those years. That kind of deep emotion—the kind he felt suffocating his heart at that moment—was sacred. It was something that should remain deep inside. No one had a right to know you were feeling it but yourself. Showing it was a sign of weakness. That’s exactly how he felt at that moment, like the weakest most pathetic idiot on the planet. At that moment, he vowed once again he’d never let anyone—no matter what—witness this side of him again.

* * *

It wasn’t even a week after he’d reported back to Georgia when he got the call. His dad had passed, and just like that, Brandon was back on a plane to attend the services. As expected, not too many people showed up. His father had never made many friends, and as hardened and difficult as he’d become over the years, any acquaintances he did have once upon a time had distanced themselves from him long ago.

Brandon took solace in the fact that he and his dad had finally begun to actually have a real father-son relationship, even though his dad had passed too soon afterward. He and his mom would move to Georgia permanently and start all over again. Maybe now he could rekindle that bond he once had with her. His mom had been the only one in his life to ever show him love. He’d felt it from her through and through. Brandon was determined to turn his life around—take away all the negativity that had built up all these years and live a normal happy life. Now that it was just he and his mom, he knew that could happen. She’d been waiting for this change as long as he had.

Days after the services, they somberly finished packing up the U-Haul truck with all their belongings. Brandon would be driving it across the country. He wished that on such a long drive he and his mother could be in the same car. It would be a perfect way to start getting to know each other once again—talk about their new life and the neighborhoods they’d be shopping for their new home—but his mother would be driving their mini-van across the country.

Brandon had been tempted to rent a trailer and just haul the van as well, not just because he was looking to really talking to his mom but because she’d always been a nervous driver. The longest drive she’d ever made was just over two hours up north to Los Angeles. Still, she insisted she’d be fine.

“We’ll just take it nice and slow,” she smiled, squeezing his arm before getting in the van.

She wasn’t kidding about the nice and slow part. Eight hours later they’d barely made it a little past Tucson. He had a week to get back to the base. At this rate, it was going to take them twice that long.

As the clerk at the hotel they’d be staying at for the night looked up the room, Brandon leaned against the counter. “Maybe I should rent that trailer, Ma.”