‘I’ll write down my address in case you ever need me,’ Stephen said. ‘If you do I’m sure Hari will help you find me, won’t you, Hari?’

‘I suppose so,’ Hari said reluctantly, not at all sure this meeting was what Kate wanted. Kate moved away from the bed and Hari took her arm. ‘My father’s getting a bit rattled, he thinks we’re neglecting him.’

‘We are,’ Kate said. ‘Come on let’s go and cheer the old boy up.’ Her demeanour was different as if talking to Stephen had regenerated something of her old spirit.

‘Fancy he wanted me with him, Hari,’ she said, ‘sure I’m not entirely helpless, even if I’m blind. I suppose I could still look after a man, at least Stephen thinks so. Sure I might find the cooking a bit of a challenge but I could always open a tin of spam.’

‘Thinking of accepting then?’

‘No, I couldn’t leave Eddie’s mammy, not for the world.’

‘You know that boy?’ Hari’s father’s voice was truculent.

‘Yes, Father, he’s a friend of Kate’s.’ She paused. ‘Now, when you come home I’ve got the perfect room for you.’

‘I won’t be able to get up stairs very well, Hari, have you thought of that?’

‘I’ve got a nice little house with a parlour at the front, I’ll put a bed in there for you Father, you’ll be as cosy as anything. I’ve even got a half decent wireless for you.’

‘What about that rascal, Meryl, she’ll be there after school to make me a cuppa now and again, won’t she?’

Hari frowned. ‘Now you can’t stay an invalid all your life. You will have to learn to get to the kitchen yourself—and Meryl is in the country, an evacuee, you know that.’

‘I thought Meryl was at home now.’

‘She will be, but only for a few days. She’s happy and safe in the country, doing well at school. I wouldn’t want to bring her home just to wait on you, Father.’

He grimaced. ‘I see how it’s going to be, poor old Father browbeaten by his children, pushed in the corner now he’s injured defending his country.’ He was smiling.

Matron bristled into the ward and fixed the visitors with commanding eyes. Without being told, people stood up, pulled on coats and prepared to leave.

‘When you’re discharged, I’ll come for you, Father. Until then you’ll have to be patient, I haven’t got another day off for ages.’

‘All right.’ He hugged her unexpectedly. ‘I’ve been a distant father mainly due to work and all that but we can grow closer, Hari. I promise you that I won’t be too much of a burden.’

‘Don’t be silly Daddy—’ she was unaware she’d used her old pet name for him—‘you won’t be a burden at all, I’ll see to that!’

Kate waved goodbye in the vague direction of Stephen’s bed. ‘See you, Kate,’ he called, and then Hari was leading the way through the front doors out into the mellow brightness of the day.

Kate was beside her and she had changed: her face had lightened and Hari understood that from feeling like a victim, Kate now felt herself a real live, wanted woman again. Her next words confirmed what Hari was thinking.

‘It’s nice to be wanted by a man again,’ she said softly, ‘even if it is only as a sort of housekeeper.’

‘Don’t be a fool, Kate,’ Hari said mockingly, ‘that’s not all he wants, didn’t you hear Stephen say you were beautiful?’

Kate blushed and all at once she looked like a lovely young girl again.

Twenty-One

I said my farewells to Michael and Aunt Jessie with a feeling of foreboding as if I might never see them again. I was only going home to Swansea to visit with my father for a week or two but the time would drag, I just knew it.

Hari came to fetch me and as usual she chatted to Michael, standing a touch too close to him, looking up into his face, her long shimmering eyelashes ready to bat at him whenever the moment required it which, it seemed to me, was too often for comfort.

‘Come on Hari!’ I shifted impatiently from one foot to the other and Hari at last turned her attention to me. ‘If we’re to get back to Swansea before dark we’d better get a move on.’ I knew I sounded sulky but I couldn’t help it.

Michael hugged me close. ‘Sharp-tongued as ever!’ he said, kissing the top of my head in an awful, brotherly fashion. I longed to wind my arms around his neck, to press my lips to his, show Hari he was mine, but I didn’t dare.

When we were in the car I glanced at Hari. She had on a neat white shirt and a navy skirt, a tie and a nice fitted jacket; it was almost a uniform. ‘Have you had promotion or something?’

‘In a way,’ she said. ‘I’m attached to a signal corps but as a civilian. It makes no difference to my working life, I’m doing the same job and coming home at nights so don’t worry, I’ll be there to care for Father.’

‘Does he need much? Caring for I mean?’ I was apprehensive, I didn’t fancy being a ministering angel or Hari having an excuse to bring me home from the country. ‘I’m no nurse, mind.’ I shuddered, exaggerating a little.

‘I see to his leg before I go to work, don’t worry,’ Hari said, laughing.

‘His leg? Good grief! What’s happened to him then?’

‘Father has had his foot amputated but his wounds are more or less healed now.’ She glanced at me, a wicked light in her eyes. ‘It will take him a bit of time to adjust to his false foot though.’

‘False foot!’ I made a face. ‘I won’t have to see it, will I?’

Hari grimaced. ‘Not much of a heroine, are you? Grow up for heaven’s sake and remember Father is a very private man.’

‘How can I remember?’ I was exasperated. ‘I hardly know Father, he was always away, wasn’t he?’

You’re right, sorry.’ Hari was such a nice person she sometimes made me sick. ‘Don’t worry, you’ll soon be back in the country with Michael and Aunt Jessie.’

I sighed again with relief and thankfulness. ‘I do like it there,’ I admitted, ‘more than I thought I would. I even quite like Georgie Porgy though I’ll never like that mother of his.’

‘Are you and George going out together then?’

God she could be so obtuse. Or was that a gleam of mischief I could see as she glanced my way again.

I didn’t bother to answer, I just snorted inelegantly and humped into my seat and watched the countryside fly past. I must have slept because at last we came to the edge of Swansea. I could see the smoke from across the bay and I could see the twin rise of Kilvey and Townhill like a mother’s breasts protectively leaning over the untidy rows of houses in the town itself.

Father was hearty in the way most older folk are when they’re not used to young people but I saw at once he didn’t even think of me as a young person. ‘Come to kiss me, child,’ he said.

I wanted to protest and then I paused. It would suit me to be a child I decided, that way I’d have no responsibilities. I realized I was a selfish bitch but I needed to look out for myself, I’d learned that in my fight with George all those months ago.

I dutifully kissed his cheek, which was sharp with bristles. ‘You haven’t shaved.’ It came out like an accusation. My father apologized.

‘I’m sorry, I was waiting for the kettle to boil. I need hot water, you see.’

I did feel awful then and hastily I pushed the kettle on the gas stove. ‘I’ll do what little I can to help you, Father.’ I was repentant and looked at his pale face and shadowed eyes, wondering what horrors he’d seen at the place they called ‘the front’.

‘Does it hurt much?’ I pointed to his bandaged stump without really looking. He replied with the bravery of the officer and gentleman.

‘Hardly at all, er…’

‘Meryl,’ I supplied helpfully.

‘Yes… Meryl.’ He leaned back in his chair and stared at me and I sort of slumped, not wanting him to see I was budding under my jumper, growing up.

‘It’s a pity your mother isn’t here to, well, to tell you things about, well… life.’

‘Hari’s here,’ I said at once, ‘she’s a good sister, she sees I’m safe down in Carmarthen away from the bombs.’ It didn’t hurt to emphasize the point that it wasn’t safe for me in Swansea, not when the bombers came.

In the afternoon, Hari called at the house briefly. ‘I’ve got to work tonight,’ she said casually, ‘but it’s a one-off, don’t worry, and Meryl is here if you need anything.’

I was alarmed and must have looked it. Hari frowned at me and her look told me to pull myself together. ‘It’s only this once.’ Her tone was brisk. ‘It won’t hurt you to help for one night, Meryl. You’ve got it easy the rest of the time.’

I’d never seen her so cross and I hugged her tight. ‘We’ll manage, don’t worry, we’ll be all right, won’t we, Father?’

‘Of course we will. You go, Angharad.’ I was to find that Father always called my sister by her full name. ‘You have your war work to do like the rest of us.’

I found myself making my father’s supper for him. I wasn’t a cook by any stretch of the imagination but I’d watched Aunt Jessie countless times whisk an egg with a little milk and scramble it in a pan. So I did that for my father and made a pile of toast with the bread and butter I’d brought from the farm.

He ate hungrily and for the first time I felt the satisfaction of feeding someone and watching their enjoyment of the food I’d prepared. I could hear Aunt Jessie’s voice in my head.

‘You’ll make someone a good wife yet, my girl.’ I thought lovingly of Michael and as always hugged to me the thought of us together that night, it seemed long ago now, that we’d huddled together for warmth and I’d slept with my cheek against his chest.

‘You’re dreaming, Meryl. Some boy is it?’

I looked sharply at my father—he was a clever man, I’d do well to remember that.