Danielle Steel - Big Girl

“Where do you want to be?” Harlan asked her gently. “On the couch or in bed?” She thought about it for a long moment.

“Bed… I’m sleepy…”

“Are you hungry?”

“No, thirsty…,” she said, running her tongue over her lips. The nurse had given her Vaseline to put on them. “And cold,” she added. They had put warm blankets on her at the hospital all day, and she wished she had one now.

Harlan brought her a glass of apple juice with a straw, as they had told him to do. Victoria had several pages of post-op instructions for the coming days. And a few minutes later he led her to her room, helped her undress and put her pajamas on, and five minutes later she was sound asleep propped up on pillows in bed to elevate her head, and Harlan was back in the living room with John.

“Wow, she looks like a train wreck,” John whispered to Harlan, and he nodded.

“They told her to expect a lot of bruising and swelling. She’s going to have two big shiners tomorrow. But she’s happy, or she will be. She wanted a new nose, and she got one. It may not look like a big deal to us, but I think it’s a big deal to her psychologically, so why not?” John agreed. They spent a quiet evening on the couch, watching two movies, and every so often Harlan would go in and check on Victoria. She was sound asleep and purring softly. And somewhere under the bandages she had the new nose she wanted. Santa Claus had brought it to her the day after Christmas. It was a gift she had wanted all her life.

The next day Victoria woke up feeling like she’d been in a rodeo all year. She ached, she was tired, she felt as though she had been drugged. There was a dull ache in her nose. She decided to have breakfast and take a pain pill, but she wanted to eat something first so it didn’t make her sick. By sheer habit, she opened the freezer and was staring at the ice cream when Harlan walked in.

“I don’t think so,” the voice of her conscience said right behind her when he saw what she was looking at. “You have a fabulous new nose. Let’s not go crazy with the ice cream, shall we?” He closed the freezer door, opened the fridge, and handed her the apple juice. “How do you feel?”

“So-so, but not too bad. Kind of woozy. I’m a little sore. I’m just going to sleep today, and take the pain medicine.” She wanted to stay on top of it so it didn’t get too bad. The swelling had gotten worse, which they had warned her would happen for the first few days.

“Good idea,” he said. He made some whole wheat toast, covered it with a low-fat synthetic dairy spread, and handed it to her. “Do you want eggs?” She shook her head. She didn’t want to lose track of her diet in the coming days, especially while she couldn’t exercise.

“Thanks for taking care of me yesterday,” she said, trying to smile, but there was tape on her face and it felt odd. She felt like the man in the iron mask, and she couldn’t wait to get the bandages off in a week. They were annoying, and she was afraid to look in the mirror. She had made a point of not doing so in her bedroom, or when she went to the bathroom. She didn’t want to scare herself and knew she might, and you couldn’t see her nose anyway. It was all covered up under the bandages and splint.

Victoria slept for the next two days and hung around the house after that. It was a quiet time, she had no plans, and she had done the surgery over the holidays so she could take it easy. Harlan brought her movies, and she watched TV a lot, although she had a headache for the first few days. She talked to Helen, but she didn’t want to see anyone except John and Harlan. She didn’t feel up to it and was afraid she looked too scary. And by New Year’s Eve she was feeling pretty good and didn’t need the pain pills. Harlan and John had gone skiing in Vermont by then, and she spent the evening alone watching TV and loving the idea that she had a new nose, even if she hadn’t seen it yet. Gracie called her from Mexico that night. She was at the Palmilla Hotel in Cabo with Harry and some of his friends, and she said it was fabulous. As his fiancée and soon-to-be wife, she had a golden life now. Victoria didn’t envy her, though, because she wouldn’t have wanted to be there with him, but Gracie sounded ecstatic.

“So how’s the new nose?” Gracie asked her. She had called several times that week, and sent Victoria flowers, which was very sweet. Victoria had been touched by the gesture. Their parents knew nothing of the surgery, and Victoria didn’t want them to. She was sure they would disapprove and make rude comments about it. Gracie had agreed to keep it secret.

“I haven’t seen it yet,” Victoria admitted. “They’re taking the bandages off next week. Supposedly, except for the bruising and some swelling, it should look pretty good. They said I’d be back to normal, relatively, within a week or two, except that I’ll still be tired. But I can cover the bruising with makeup.” They had told her that she would only have a Band-Aid on her nose after that, but all the bandages and stitches would be gone within a week or two. “Are you having fun?” She suddenly missed her baby sister terribly.

“It’s fantastic here. We have an incredible suite,” Gracie said, sounding happy.

“You’re going to be one spoiled brat as Mrs. Wilkes,” Victoria teased her, but she didn’t begrudge it to her. She liked her own life better in some ways, and her job. At least no one was telling her what to think, do, and say. She couldn’t have stood it. Gracie didn’t seem to care, as long as she had Harry. It was the same pact with the devil that their mother had made, and Victoria felt sorry for them both.

“I know,” Gracie tittered in answer to the remark about being spoiled. “I love it. Well, let me know how the nose looks.”

“I’ll call you immediately when I see it.”

“Your old one was fine,” Gracie said again. It wasn’t hideous, just round.

“My new one will be better!” Victoria said, happy about it again. “Have fun in Cabo. I love you… and Happy New Year!”

“You too. I hope it will be a good year for you too, Victoria.” Victoria knew she meant it, and wished the same for her. They hung up, and Victoria settled back to watch another movie from the couch. And at midnight she was sound asleep. It had been a quiet New Year’s Eve for her, and she didn’t mind at all.

Dr. Schwartz took Victoria’s bandages off eight days later and said she was very pleased with the result when she saw it. It was healing nicely. Victoria had been brave enough to see her face-mask bandages in the mirror by then, and she thought she looked ghoulish, though for a good cause. She didn’t regret the surgery for a minute, and when she saw the result unveiled, she was thrilled, despite the bruising, and slight swelling. The doctor pointed out where the swelling was and where she could expect improvement, but all things considered, it looked great, and Victoria let out a squeal of delight. The surgeon had done a fantastic job. And the patient was ecstatic. She said she already felt like a new person.

The only shocking thing, and Victoria wasn’t surprised, since she had been told to expect it, was the extent of the bruising, which was severe. She had two huge black eyes, and bluish discoloration that went down most of her face. But the doctor assured her that it would go away soon, was normal, and she could start covering it with makeup in a few days. She said she’d be quite presentable by the time she went back to school in another week. And it would continue to improve after that as the swelling went down and the bruising disappeared. It would continue to look even better over several months. She put a Band-Aid over the bridge of Victoria’s nose and sent her home. She said she could go back to normal activity, within reason. No sky diving, water polo, or touch football, she teased her. No contact sports. She told her to be reasonable and not do anything where she might hit her nose, and when Victoria inquired, she said that she could go to the gym, but again be sensible about it and not overdo. No jogging, no strenuous exercise, no swimming, no extreme workouts, which Victoria didn’t want to do anyway. It had been freezing outside all week. And the doctor added “no sex,” which unfortunately wasn’t an issue for her at the moment.

Victoria was so happy with the result that she bought a big Caesar salad on the way home, and ate it in the kitchen. She had lost a few pounds from not eating much while she was sleeping her way through her recovery, and the pain pills had killed her appetite. She hadn’t even eaten ice cream, and just to be on the safe side, Harlan had thrown it away again. He called it her “stash.” In the Chutes and Ladders of weight loss, it set her back at zero again every time.

She put on her gym clothes after she ate the salad, and walked the several blocks to the gym, in leggings, gym shorts, an old Northwestern sweatshirt, a parka, and a pair of beat-up old running shoes. Harlan and John were still skiing in Vermont, and the day was crisp and clear in New York despite predictions of snow.

She signed in at the gym, and decided to ride the exercise bike, and put it on the easiest setting since she hadn’t exercised in a week and wanted to start slow. She put her iPod on and was listening to the music with her eyes closed as she pedaled rhythmically along. She didn’t open them until she’d been on the bike for ten minutes, and was startled to see the same very good-looking man sitting next to her whom she’d seen there before Christmas. This time he was alone, without the beautiful woman who’d been with him, and he was looking at Victoria when she opened her eyes. She had forgotten what her face looked like after the surgery, with all the bruising, and she wondered why he was staring at her, and then she remembered and was embarrassed. He was looking sympathetic and pained for her. He said something and she took the iPod out of her ear. He had a light tan on his face as though he’d been skiing, and she was struck again by how handsome he was.