Danielle Steel - Big Girl

“Bravo! Well done! Where’s Harry? I want to congratulate him too!”

“He dropped me off. He went to tell his parents,” she said happily, as Victoria went back to the dishes without a word. And their mother was clucking and flapping and hugged her daughter. And with that, Gracie stuck out her small hand, and they could see a large round diamond ring on her finger. It was really happening. It was true.

“This is just like your father and me,” her mother said excitedly. “We got engaged the night we graduated. And married at Christmas.” They all knew. “When’s the wedding?” she asked, as though she wanted to start planning it right away. They didn’t question for a minute what she was doing, or if she was too young, for obvious reasons relating to Harry. They thought it was a great idea, and a major coup for their daughter to marry a Wilkes. It was all about their egos, not what might be best for Gracie. Victoria finally turned around then, and looked at her younger sister with worried eyes.

“Don’t you think you’re too young?” she asked honestly. Gracie was just twenty-two, and Harry was twenty-seven, which was still young in Victoria’s opinion.

“We’ve been dating for four years,” Gracie said as though that made it all right, but it didn’t to her sister. It made it worse. She never gave herself a chance to grow on her own, develop her own opinions, or meet other boys in college, or even date them.

“Some of my high school kids have dated people for four years. They’re not old enough to get married either. I’m worried about you,” she said honestly. “You’re twenty-two years old. You need a real job, a career, some independence, and your own life before you settle down and get married. What’s the rush?” For a minute she was terrified that she might be pregnant, but she didn’t think she was. Gracie had announced that she was going to marry him the first day they met. And now it had happened. He was her dream come true. This was what Gracie wanted, and she looked angry at Victoria for the questions she was asking and the obvious lack of enthusiasm she showed.

“Can’t you be happy for me?” she asked petulantly. “Does everything have to be the way you think it should be? I’m happy. I love Harry. I don’t care about a career. I don’t have a vocation like you. I just want to be Harry’s wife!” It didn’t seem like enough to Victoria, but maybe Gracie was right. And who was she to decide?

“I’m sorry,” she said sadly. They hadn’t had an argument in years. And the last one had been about their parents, when Gracie had hotly defended them to her sister, and Victoria told her how wrong she was. She had finally backed down, because her sister was too young to understand, and was one of them anyway. And this time she felt the same way. Victoria was the one who was different again, who wasn’t happy for her and dared to say it, who didn’t fit in. “I just want you to be happy, and have the best life you can. And I think you’re very young.”

“It looks like she’s going to have a good life to me,” her father said, pointing at the ring. Seeing him do that made Victoria feel sick. And she knew she wasn’t jealous. But having a daughter who was married to a rich man was going to be a perfect complement to her father’s narcissism. With the ring on her finger, Gracie had become a trophy, proof of his success as a father, that he had raised a daughter who could marry a rich man. Victoria hated what it meant. And Gracie didn’t see it. She was too wrapped up in her own life, and too afraid to go out in the real world, get a job, meet new people, make something of herself. So she was marrying Harry instead. And just as Victoria thought it, Harry walked into the kitchen, beaming, and Gracie jumped into his arms. It was easy to see how happy she was, and no one wanted to deny that to her. Their father clapped Harry on the back, and their mother went to get a bottle of champagne, which Jim opened immediately, and poured a glass for each of them, as Victoria looked at them and smiled nostalgically. The milestones were moving faster now. Graduation from high school, college, and now she was engaged. It was a lot to digest all at once. And putting her objections aside, Victoria walked across the room and hugged Harry, for her sister’s sake, as Gracie looked at her, relieved. She didn’t want anyone interfering with what she was doing, trying to stop her, or challenging her. This was her dream.

“So when’s the big day? Have you set the date?” her father asked, after they toasted the couple and each took a sip of champagne. Harry and Gracie were beaming at each other again, and Harry answered for her, which was one of the things Victoria didn’t like about him. Gracie had a voice too, and she wanted her to use it. She hoped the wedding wouldn’t be too soon.

“June,” Harry said, smiling at his tiny bride. “We have a lot to organize before then. Gracie is going to be busy planning the wedding.” He glanced from his future mother-in-law to his future sister-in-law, as though he expected them to drop everything and get to work on the wedding too. “We’re figuring on four or five hundred people,” he said blithely, without consulting the bride’s parents to ask if that was okay. He hadn’t asked for her hand either. He had proposed, but he also had known that Jim Dawson would approve. Grace’s mother looked like she was going to faint when she heard the number of guests at the wedding. But Jim looked pleased as he opened another bottle of champagne and poured another round.

“You ladies can figure all of that out,” he said, smiling first at Harry and then at his wife and daughters. “All I have to do is pay the bills.” Victoria stood watching her father, thinking that he was a sellout, but this was the kind of match he wanted for his daughter, without questioning if she was too young or if it might be a mistake. And Victoria knew that if she said anything to them, she would then be accused of being the overweight older daughter who didn’t have a boyfriend and couldn’t find a husband, who was jealous of her beautiful younger sister and wanted to stand in her way.

They finished the second bottle of champagne, and everyone hugged the young couple again. Harry said his parents wanted to have dinner with them sometime soon. And Victoria got a chance to hug her sister again.

“I love you. I’m sorry if I upset you.”

“It’s okay,” Gracie whispered. “I just want you to be happy for me.” Victoria nodded. She didn’t know what to say. And then the newly engaged couple went on their way. They were meeting friends and going to a party, and Gracie wanted to show off her ring. Victoria heard her BlackBerry come to life after they left, and checked it. It was from her sister. “I love you. Be happy for me.” Victoria answered just as quickly with the only response she could give her. Her response said, “I love you too.”

“Well, you’ve got a year to plan the wedding,” Jim said to Christine as soon as Grace and Harry left. “That’ll keep you busy. You may even have to take some time off from bridge.” As he said it, Victoria got another text. It was from Gracie again.

“Maid of honor?” it said, and Victoria smiled. They were going to rope her into this one way or another, but she wouldn’t have dreamed of denying her sister, or herself, that honor, if she was going through with this.

“Yes. Thank you. Of course!” she answered Gracie by text. So she was the maid of honor, and her baby sister was getting married. It had been quite a day!

As soon as Victoria flew back to New York, two days after Gracie’s graduation, she called Dr. Watson. Her psychiatrist was still in the same place, with the same number, and called Victoria back on her cell phone that night. And she asked how she had been. She said she was fine and was anxious to see her, so Dr. Watson managed to squeeze her in the next day. She noticed when Victoria walked in that she looked slightly more grown up but essentially the same. She hadn’t changed. Victoria was wearing black jeans, a white T-shirt, and sandals. It was a hot New York summer day. And her weight was about the same as it had been the last time they met. No better and no worse.

“Is everything all right?” the psychiatrist asked her, sounding concerned. “You sounded like it was urgent.”

“I think it is. I think I’m having some kind of wake-up call or identity crisis or something.” She had been upset since graduation day. It was hard enough watching Gracie graduate, without having her get engaged on the same day. “My little sister got engaged a few days ago. She’s twenty-two years old. She got engaged on her graduation day from college, just like my parents. They think it’s fine since the man she’s marrying, or wants to, has tons of money. I think they’re all crazy. She’s twenty-two years old. She won’t have a job, he doesn’t want her to. She wanted to work in journalism, now she doesn’t care. And she’s going to end up just like my mother, being a backdrop for him, and seconding all his opinions, of which her fiancé has many, just like my father. She’s going to lose herself married to this guy, and the thought of it is making me crazy for her. And all she wants to do is get married. I think she’s too young. Or maybe I’m just jealous because I have no life. All I have is a job I love. That’s it. And if I say anything about thinking she shouldn’t get married, to her or my parents, they’ll think it’s sour grapes.” The story poured out of her like marbles rolling down a hill.

“Is it sour grapes?” the shrink asked her bluntly.

“I don’t know.” Victoria was always honest with her.

“What do you want, Victoria?” the doctor pressed her. She knew it was time to do that now. Victoria was ready. “Not for her. For yourself.”

“I don’t know,” she said again, but the doctor knew better.