Christina Lee - Before You Break

“I . . . um . . .” he sputtered. But I didn’t want to let him off easy this time. I desperately wanted to get to know him, and I didn’t feel this question was too personal. He’d asked me way tougher questions. “It’s complicated.”

“I mean, I’ll admit, it doesn’t fit you. Doesn’t seem to be your thing,” I said, looking up at him. He shrugged and sank down directly behind me, sliding me between his legs. I couldn’t see his eyes nor his expression and I wondered if that was purposeful on his part. “Or is this another one of those Daddy wishes and you’re doing the frat thing for someone else?”

“Yeah, something like that,” he said, and then he sighed. “I look forward to the freedom of graduation, but I still have a year left. How about you?”

“I’m kind of on the five-year plan. I didn’t do a full load of classes my first year, so I’ve been playing catch-up,” I said. “I’m going straight into the masters program anyway.”

His fingers lightly brushed my knees and my calves and then traced over my dragonfly tattoo. “Bennett did that for me,” I said.

“Yeah?” he asked. “What does it mean?”

“It reminds me of Christopher. Of our childhood,” I said. “Bennett said something to me that day, like—the tattoos people regret the least are the ones that have meaning. So I’m glad I got it.”

His lips found my neck and I wilted against him.

“How about you—ever think of getting something inked?” I muttered, trying to rein in my jagged breaths. His arms came around and wrapped me tight. It felt protective and warm. His mouth brushed light kisses along my hairline, making my skin pebble. “Mmmm . . . you’re trying to make me change the subject.”

“Is it working?” he whispered. He tightened his hold, pulling me flush against him, barely allowing a millimeter of space between us. I felt his heartbeat strong and steady against my back.

“Kind of.” I rested my head against his shoulder and snuck a glance at him. “Just trying to get to know you better, Quinn.”

“I know,” he said, his breath against my hair. “There’s not much to tell. Right now I’m living under someone else’s thumb and I don’t like it. But someday, I hope to break free and do my own thing, be my own person.”

He kissed the top of my head before resting his chin there. I wanted to crawl inside of his skin and stay all night, just like this, nestled against him. His arms acting as a cocoon, a shield, a defense. Us against the world. Like I belonged to him.

Except that I wasn’t his. The circle of his arms provided only a temporary safeguard. Flimsy at best. Because there were parts of him he was keeping from me. Holding back. Parts he wouldn’t—or couldn’t—allow me to see.

Avery had told me to set parameters around what I wanted, if it came to that. And if Quinn and I kept going like this, I’d soon be ready to talk about those things.

Or I’d have to walk away.

But tonight . . . Tonight, I just wanted him to hold me.

“You gonna work on those cars you’re so fond of—after you graduate?”

He stiffened briefly against me. Another wall erected. “Maybe. You . . . kinda helped me remember how important it was to me. “

“Yeah?” I tilted my head sideways and his hot mouth feathered along my jaw. My knees instantly went liquid and I was glad to be anchored by him.

“Yeah.” He lifted my chin and in another beat of my heart, his mouth was covering mine.

The tip of his tongue outlined my lips and I opened my mouth in a sigh. His mouth was hungry and wet and lingered against mine in a slow and sexy rhythm. He cast a seductive spell, completely mesmerizing me, and when his hands trailed down to my stomach, heat pooled low in my belly.

“Ella,” he mumbled, “you’re driving me nuts. Your lips, your smell, your skin.”

I combed my fingers over his cheekbones and through the back of his hair as his lips captured mine again. As the sky grew darker, the full moon made its stunning debut. Our mouths were joined beneath it until they felt bruised, but I couldn’t stop kissing him if I’d tried.

Quinn flipped me around so that I was straddling him, and his hardness was like a steel rod through his jeans. The heavy material separating us created a raw friction that was driving me out of my skull. I kept in mind that we were out in public and were only hidden by an oak tree. But as Quinn’s fingers skimmed beneath my shirt, I moaned into his mouth.

“Ella you are so fucking sexy,” he said. “I can’t wait to taste you again.”

I bent my forehead to his lips and said, “I believe it would be my turn.”

He braced my jaw to look directly into my eyes. “You don’t even know what you’re doing to me right now.” I brushed my fingers against his zipper and he hissed through his teeth.

I brought the second blanket up higher around our shoulders. “No one will see us.”

His hand clamped down on my fingers to stop me. “Not here.”

“Where’s your sense of adventure?” When in the hell had I ever uttered those words to a guy? We were out in the open, for the love of all things sacred. Who had stolen my brain and replaced it with the pages of an erotic romance novel? “We’ll concentrate on being quiet.”

He let out a low growl before devouring my mouth again. His tongue probed deep, telling me just how desperate he was for release, and I couldn’t wait to give it to him.

I unbuttoned his pants and lowered his boxer briefs until he poked out. Even in the shadow of the blanket, he still looked gorgeous. I ran my thumb along the moisture that had beaded along his tip and his breath hitched.

“Relax your legs a bit,” I whispered.

He leaned back, positioning his arms on the blanket behind him. With his hands out of the way, he was in easy reach. He felt warm and solid in my palm. I hadn’t been with that many guys, but I could tell that he was very long and thick and imagining him inside me made my underwear instantly damp.

“Christ, Ella.” He closed his eyes and tried to control his breathing.

“Same deal you had with me,” I said. “I want your eyes on me while I touch you.”

I surprised myself with my boldness. Having the power to make Quinn putty in my hands was so completely heady.

I moved my fingers up and down in a steady and deliberate rhythm and his head sloped to the side. His eyes softened and his gaze never left mine. With my other hand, I reached below his shaft and grasped him there, teasing the area with my fingers. “Oh fuck, Ella. I’m close.”

I lowered my lips to his. “Kiss me. I want to feel you when you come.”

He sealed his lips over mine and with his tongue he mimicked the up-and-down motion of my fingers. He groaned his release into my mouth, his lips quivering with the effort.

It was the sexiest damn thing I had ever felt—let alone done with a guy.

As if I’d absorbed his passion and it’d ignited every nerve ending inside of me.

This was the type of physical connection I’d never had but always longed for with someone. It rooted something between us. Something that had embedded itself in my very center.

“Ella, Goddamn,” he panted out as he caught his breath. “That was amazing.”

Ella came to as many of my games as she could this past week when she wasn’t busy with classes or homework or her volunteer work at some psych center.

We’d fallen into a natural routine where I’d show up at her place and we’d play video games, laugh, and hold each other. Ella did most of the talking; the sound of her voice comforted me—or we didn’t do any talking at all.

We hadn’t had sex yet, but we’d come close. Lots of grinding, touching, and kissing.

I knew I couldn’t go there with her until I was sure. Sure that I could give her everything. Tell her everything.

Plus, the experience of being inside her might just do me in. Make it that much harder to leave if she decided she didn’t want me. Once I told her all of it. I was feeling things for Ella that I’d never felt for a girl before.

I’d slept in her bed a couple times and those mornings had become my favorite. She’d be wrapped in my arms and I’d watch her sleep, so warm and sexy and beautiful. Her breasts would be bare and the curve of her neck would call to me. I’d nestle my lips against her skin and she’d make that noise. The noise that drove me crazy.

We didn’t talk about what we were doing or what we’d become to each other, but I could tell the question was on the edge of her lips. Just dangling there. Waiting for me. She wanted to know. She deserved to know. And I was struggling to gain my footing, to hold on tight. Because she’d given me something I hadn’t had in a long time, maybe even ever.

She made me feel happy. Normal. Whole. Like everything was possible.

Maybe even love.

She had this way of putting things in perspective—life, relationships, dreams. Even when she didn’t realize she was touching on stuff that was significant to me. It was an intrinsic quality that she possessed, despite her psychology major. It made her special—that part of her that had a calming effect on me.

The other night I’d come so close to just spilling everything. But something still held me back. More than likely it was gut-wrenching panic. That she’d walk away. And then I’d have to find a new kind of normal again. And I really liked living in this normal, where I could get lost in her. Her smile, her scent, her skin.

A normal where I hadn’t killed my best friend because his girlfriend was coming on to me.

But Gabby from the hotline had helped me to see myself differently, even though I’d only talked to her a handful of times. Like maybe I was worthy. I had always lived in Bastian’s shadow and thought I was worth crap without him. But maybe Amber truly liked me for me and had been going about it the wrong way. She was human, too, after all. I needed to remember that.