“Stop calling yourself that,” he cut in, responding in a critical tone, his dark eyes searching her gloomy face.

“Why? Isn’t that what I am?”

“No. You made a mistake, that’s all. You’re human.”

“So are you. Don’t you get it? I’m not a cheater, I was a cheater. I was a different person then just like you are now. So you see? You’re not a murderer, you were a murderer. Or is it still just semantics, dear?” she responded with light sarcasm in her tone.

He smiled and lifted his eyebrows at her. “Is that sarcasm I detect, Ms. Henderson? Because I believe that’s grounds for punishment.”

She turned away embarrassed and shook her head, but the seriousness of the situation was still lingering in the air. “I appreciate your opinion, but you’re wrong. First of all, you’re comparing apples and oranges. Second, I’m still the same man I was then with the same feelings; I’m just a little less quick to pull the trigger than I was before.  And though I’m not proud of my actions, I’m not ashamed of them. And I’m sure as hell not sorry for the lives I’ve taken.”

He paused, momentarily confounded by the sparkling passion in her eyes. He had just admitted he would kill again if he had to, but she showed no fear. Reaching out, Sarah touched the top of his hand, the warmth of her skin sending tingling sensations over his entire upper body. No. He couldn’t accept her touch and pulled his hand away. Maybe if he clarified things a little more she would take his admission more seriously.

“I’ve done atrocious things, Snowflake. Ghastly, brutal things; bloodied and buried men without compassion or conscience; seen and done vile things you can’t even fathom; covered my tracks; and lied to the only person who meant anything to me to hide it all. Trust me when I tell you my dark headspace isn’t somewhere you want to be. Doesn’t that bother you in the least?”

Taking in a quick breath, she let it out slowly and dropped her eyes to the floor. His heart sank. It was the same look Sonya had given him not so long ago right before things ended between them.

“Yes and no. Do I like what you’ve done? No, but those things are in your past and it’s not my place to judge the decisions you’ve made. I was under the impression you were seeking to change your life. Was that a lie?”

Raising her eyes, Sawyer scanned them for some kind of revelation into what she was thinking and feeling, but once again they were like the ocean - deep and unfathomable. “No. I do want to change my life.”

“So then you’re not the same man, are you?”

Sarah’s dogged stubbornness was exasperating and all he could do was shake his head and sigh. He was the same man. Why couldn’t she just accept that?

“Why are you telling me all of this? Do you want me to run the other way? Are you looking for an out? Is that it?”

Sarah’s question stunned him and the surprise was hard to hide in his voice. “Of course not. Do you think I wanted to tell you about this side of me? No. I had to. I simply don’t like bringing up my past because of the scrutiny and unwarranted fear it causes in people,” he commented with heavy irony.

“You just said it yourself: unwarranted fear. And why is it unwarranted?”

Sawyer thought long and hard when realization hit him, “Because I don’t want to harm everyone, just those who truly deserve it and those who have harmed the ones I love.”

“And that just goes to prove that you’re valiant at heart. Does knowing all of this change how I feel about you? In all honesty, yes, but not so negatively that I can’t get past it. It takes a brave person to be truthful. Do I still trust you? Yes, undoubtedly. If you wanted to hurt me, you could’ve done it at any point tonight. You also could’ve harmed Isabel and even Ciara, but you didn’t.  It’s been a very revealing night, Sir, and it’s a lot to take in, but my decision remains the same and my offer still stands. I’m here for you to learn from, take this opportunity or leave it.”

Sawyer shook his head once more. He had never considered himself valiant at heart, much less brave. But who was he to dispel Sarah’s image of who she thought he was? She was eager to teach and please him, and he was more than willing to learn from her and accept her pleasure.  No, not just willing – craving and longing for what she could do for him.

* * *

Preparing to test his mental limits and learn from Sarah’s vast experience, Sawyer dressed down in loose-fitting running pants, socks and a tank top while she unclothed herself down to her bra and panties, and spread out on his bed.

“It’s times like these I wish I had my own dungeon,” he commented.

She giggled, raised her arms above her head and grinned. “Dungeons are over-rated. A good quality, under-mattress tie-down set and waterproof sheets are all you really need to get the job done.”

“I’ll have to look into that,” he laughed as he picked out a slow intense song for the occasion.

“I have one that I’d be happy to donate toward your educational endeavors if you’re interested. It might as well get put to good use, and since there’s no Master in my foreseeable future, it’s all yours.”

So Sarah had made the choice for him. Standing at the foot of the bed, Sawyer watched her closely, slightly put off by her statement. He had never misjudged a situation so badly in his life. After everything they had shared, it shouldn’t have surprised him that she didn’t want a future with him.

Lifting her head, Sarah gave him a puzzled look. “Is something wrong?”

“I just thought…” he gritted his teeth. “Are you sure about this?” he changed the subject.

“Yes. Since I won’t be able to speak, I’ll touch your chest or forearm as a signal to stop action. Come closer and straddle me,” she instructed.

He reached for his phone and cued Love Songs, Drug Songs and Inconsolable by X Ambassadors.

He needed the music to calm him.  The song began and he let the sexy words wash over him before climbing onto the bed. He did as he was told, placing his legs on either side of Sarah’s chest as she lay splayed out on his queen-sized bed. Taking his hand, she guided it to her throat as he wrapped his long fingers around her neck.

“I’ll keep my hand on yours for starters. Master Doug used to say it was all in my eyes, so keep a close watch on them. Gently, squeeze, like this…” she applied pressure over his hand, her breath hitching slightly and her eyes rolling back.  He was mesmerized by what he was seeing - his hand wrapped seductively around the delicate neck of a beautiful, willing participant.  Who would’ve ever thought something so disturbing could be so erotic and exciting.

“Yes, like that,” she squeaked out lustily, her body twisting beneath him. Only a few seconds later, she released his hand. When his grip loosened, she took in a slow deep breath.

“God, that feels so good, Sawyer,” she panted out. “Again, a little harder and longer this time. Wait for my sign.”

Sawyer’s cock hardened when Sarah once again guided his hand to her neck and applied pressure to her carotid artery. He thought taking Ciara the way he had felt powerful, but it didn’t compare to what he was feeling at this moment.  How could he be aroused by something so unsettling? Conflicted by his feelings of shame and arousal, he did his best to brush them off like he had with Ciara. It was time to awaken his true sexual desires and give Sarah what she was undeniably turned on by.

Slowly, his grip intensified and Sarah’s gaze drifted to some other place. The color of her eyes reminded him of the sea, shimmering like pools of deep blue, still water. His eyes darted back and forth between each of her eyes, seeking out the sign that he was delivering too much pressure, but he saw nothing and began to worry maybe he had missed it. He attempted to loosen his hold, but Sarah mouthed the word ‘more.’ Her eyes widened infinitesimally and her pupils flared.  In a flash she released his hand and touched his forearm. Immediately, he let her go and she inhaled sharply.

“Oh, Sir,” she began to cry.

Dismayed, he pulled her up by the shoulders and held her against his chest.

“Are you okay?” he whispered.

“It’s been so long since I’ve felt this good; too long. You’re strong hands feel so amazing around my throat. I’m so close to coming, please do it again, this time on your own.”

Sawyer laid her back down, his eyes scanning her face, then body. Again, he had misinterpreted the situation.

“You’re an ever changing mystery,” he beamed down at her.

“I’m no mystery; I’m just a simple woman with complex fantasies and fetishes,” she batted her tear-covered lashes at him.

“I thought this was Master Doug’s fetish?” he lifted one side of his mouth in a wry smirk.

“What my Master loved, I learned to appreciate and even love. Please, Sir, again?” she begged.

“You look nothing less than stunning when you beg, Sarah,” he growled, snaking his hand up to her throat intentionally slow and teasing. After he repositioned his hard body over hers, his other hand slid between them and into her panties, seeking out her clit. “There it is…” he licked his lips, pressing his thumb against it firmly.

Wrapping his long fingers around her neck one final time, he slowly began to clamp around her throat, his eyes piercing into her, watching closely. Sarah’s breathing halted the harder he squeezed, her lashes fluttering wildly and her body writhing beneath him, eager for his touch. An unknown potent emotion surged through him when he felt Sarah’s heartbeat against his fingertips in a way that alternately thrilled and frightened him.