I hated myself every day for all the stupid shit I put her through. I was one lucky son of a bitch. Anyone else would have high tailed it the hell outta dodge. Not Annie, she stuck it out until I more or less told her to leave.

Annie sat just out of reach of the tide rolling in. I took a seat in the sand next to her and pulled her close to me, leaving my arm around her waist. “You found my sister and my mom for me. You gave me the family I always wanted. Gage, I want to be with you. I want us to be a family. But, at what expense? I can’t and won’t play your games. I have a son to think about. You can’t be a yo-yo in his life, coming and going as you please. Jase, the guy he looked up to as a father figure is leaving soon. Thanks to you, not that it’s a bad thing. I’m glad he is following his dreams. I’m happy for him, but Gabe will be left with no one. I would love for you to fill that role but it has to be permanent.”

“I love Gabe, you know that. I would love to be his dad and teach him how to play football and how to drive when he’s older. My track record with you isn’t the best but no matter what has happened between the two of us I have always stayed close to him. I don’t expect him to call me dad and buy me a tie on father’s day. I just want to be someone he can turn to and rely on. He has made his way into my heart, just like his mom.”

Watching her chest rise and fall, her breath accelerating with each intake I ran my nose up her cheek. I stopped at her temple and lightly kissed up her hairline. “This kind of craving we have is uncontrollable…unstoppable. We can feel it in our breathing, our kissing, and our touching. Sending passion and want through our veins and straight to our hearts. My past hasn’t been the best and I’m still learning. But, I know one thing for sure. I must have you. You’re mine and I’m yours.”

“Gage, we are like fire and ice. Ninety percent of the time we are fighting and yelling. The other ten percent of the time we are tangled up together. With us, it’s hot and cold. There’s no happy middle.”

Seeing the doubt in her eyes I grabbed her face and smashed my mouth to hers. I had missed this, her sweet taste. The taste that I had been craving. Pulling back I rested my forehead to hers and said, “Annie, it’s the fourth quarter with three seconds left in the game. I’m throwing a Hail Mary here and praying you catch it for the touchdown.” I pulled my face back to look her in the eyes. “You are the one I need, you’re the only one for me. There is something about you that I’m so damn scared to lose because I know I would never find it in someone else. I know how fuckin’ crazy I can be, but all I’m asking for is another chance. We can’t start over but we can start now and make a new ending. I am in love with you. Only you.”

Watching her eyes tear up and hearing the hitch in her breath was almost too much. I could feel her drawing away from me. I was losing her. I held onto her hands even tighter. Looking into her tear-filled eyes I could see doubt and hurt and sadness. But what kept me holding on, I could see the love she had for me. For us. I had known for a while that I was in love with her. I had been too damn scared to tell her. There had only been two girls in my life that I had said I loved and they both left me. I had been too afraid to take that risk again, but not anymore. This woman was worth the risk. She was worth everything.

Her eyes searched mine as her tears fell and a smile formed on her beautiful face. “I have waited so long to hear you say those words. I love you, too, Gage. So much.”

I didn’t give her a chance to say anything else before I was crushing my mouth to hers. Pouring everything I had into that kiss. “I love you, Annie Holland.”

She was my one. The one I wanted to spend my forever with.

Sometimes you have to fall to rise again. You have to make mistakes to live and learn. You have to be hurt to be thankful you’re alive. It’s something that is denied to many- like Cobie and Derek. But, we have to breathe, think, laugh, smile, love, and hurt. There will be sadness in our journey, its part of life. But, there is also so much beauty. We can’t stop living though, we have to push forward. You never know what’s waiting on the other side. Your Annie could be just around the corner. 

Epilogue

Annie

8 Months Later

Rolling over I was welcomed by a cold bed. Opening my eyes, the bright sun burned. Tossing the bed sheet down, I sat up and rested my legs over the side of the bed. I could hear the shower running, weird. Gage had been slacking lately and never got up this early on his off days.

Pushing out of bed I shuffled into the bathroom. “Hey, why are you up so early?”

I could see Gage through the glass shower door, his body was nothing short of perfect and I still got hot and bothered from seeing it.

Gage smiled and said, “I totally forgot I have a shoot with Sports Report today. Thankfully it’s not until noon but it’s in the bay so it will take a while to get there.”

I really wanted to spend time with him. He would be leaving soon for spring training camp and would be gone for a few weeks. “Oh, ok. Maybe the kids and I will go to the beach today, it’s supposed to be sunny.”

Gage shut the water off and opened the steamed door. Grabbing his towel off the bench he wrapped it around his waist making his way to me. “Actually, my mom asked if she and dad could take them out today. I guess they are having some naval show and Gabe won’t stop talking about it.”

“Hmm. I haven’t heard him mention anything. But, sure. He would love that.” I said, shrugging one shoulder.

Gage wrapped his strong, tattooed arms around my waist and lifted me onto the counter. He lowered his mouth to mine and just as the kiss was getting warmed up I heard Londyn’s little voice come through the baby monitor. “Daddy! Me up!”

The princess was awake.

Gage lifted his head and laughed. “Every fuckin’ time. Daddy doesn’t get any lovin’ these days. I need to teach that girl how to make her own damn breakfast.”

Rolling my eyes, I smacked his bare chest. “Sorry babe, chicks before dicks. Gotta go get my little lady. Finish getting ready. I’ll make the kids breakfast and pack their bag.” I hopped off the counter and pecked Gage’s cheek. “I love you.”

Gage smacked my ass as I walked by. “Love you, too.”

I walked into Londyn’s room to find Gabe sitting on the floor in front of her crib with a book in his hands. He was flipping page after page and making up a story. Londyn was loving it. Giggling, she was saying over and over, “Bub bub, more.”

“Good morning babies.” I said resting my head on the door frame.

“Mommy! Did you see me? I was reading to Londyn.” Gabe jumped up and ran to me.

Hugging him I answered, “I did, sweetie. She was loving it.”

Londyn clapped her hands and yelled, “Mama!” She had started calling me Mama a few months ago. At first I wanted to tell her I wasn’t Mama, but I was her Mama. In my heart it felt right. I could never be Cobie, I didn’t want to be. But, I would be the next best thing and love Londyn unconditionally.

Letting go of Gabe I made my way to Londyn. The closer I got, the more excited she got. Lifting her out of her crib I hugged her close and kissed her cheeks. “Is somebody ready to eat?”

Gabe ran out the door and was halfway down the stairs when I heard him yell, “Superhero power pancakes!”

Walking out of Londyn’s room I looked at her and said, “I think Bub bub wants pancakes. Do you want pancakes, too?”

Londyn excitedly nodded and said, “Ess, ess! Peese!”

There was a time, not too long ago, that I never pictured myself with anymore kids. But now I couldn’t picture my life without Londyn. I may not be her biological mom but I loved her enough for the both of us.

“Ok, pancakes it is.”

The pancakes were almost done when I saw Gage sauntering into the kitchen.

“I just got off the phone with my mom, she said she will be here around ten to pick up the kids. Why don’t you go ahead and get in the shower while the kids are eating.”

Frowning I asked, “Why do I need to take a shower now? I can just wait until your mom gets the kids.”

“I was going to see if you could run to a few places for me today. I won’t have time and they need to be done today.”

“Where do I need to go?” I asked as I cut up pancakes for Londyn.

Gage grabbed Gabe’s plate and carried it to the table. “I will text you a list. It’s nothing you can’t handle, supermom.”

“Haha. Got this shit covered.” I handed Gage Londyn’s plate and rinsed my hands. “I will go get their bag ready then get in the shower. Will you clean up?”

Gage held his hands up, inspecting them he said, “Go ahead. I think these money makers can handle a few dirty dishes.”

Rolling my eyes, I ignored his comment. Kissing Londyn and Gabe I told them I loved them then walked up the stairs.

Going into Gabe’s room I pulled out his clothes for the day, an extra ‘just in case’ outfit, and his swim trunks. Gathering it into my arms I crossed the hall to Londyn’s room. Putting Gabe’s clothes on her dresser, I opened Londyn’s closet to get her clothes and swimsuit. Putting her clothes next to Gabe’s I reached for the diaper bag. It wasn’t on the door handle. I always put it there.

Pushing the door closed I looked to see if it fell. Nothing on the floor. What the hell?

Yelling, I asked, “Gage, is Londyn’s diaper bag down there?”

No answer.

“Gage? Is the diaper bag down there?” I yelled again.

Still, no answer. Seriously? I know he could hear me, he was just ignoring me.