Annie shifted her eyes around the room, repositioning herself as she did. She scooted further away and tucked her legs underneath her. Physically, she looked comfortable. Mentally, she couldn’t have looked more uncomfortable. My hand was twitching to touch her. I entwined my hands and held on tight to my beer bottle, stopping myself from looking like a fucking idiot.
She finally sighed and said, “Gage, I don’t hate you. I don’t really know you well enough to hate you.”
“You certainly don’t like me.” I looked straight ahead at the wall. I propped my feet on the coffee table and waited….
And waited…
And waited…
Finally the green eyed goddess spoke, “I like you. Too much for my comfort and that scares me. I didn’t think I would literally run into some guy at work one night and never stop thinking about him. I wasn’t prepared for that. I’m not ready for that.”
Trying to hide my excitement, I took another swig of my beer and I asked, “You couldn’t stop thinking about me, huh?” That earned me a brief smile before tears were filling her eyes. Fuck. I hated when females cried. I didn’t mean to make her cry. What did I say that made her turn to tears? “Shit, Annie. I didn’t mean to make you cry. I’m sorry. I was just trying to make a joke out of something serious. I meant to make you laugh and clearly those are not tears of laughter.”
She wiped away the few tears that escaped. Rotating so she was facing me, she worried her top lip. “Your friend Jenna talked to me earlier,” She whispered. I nodded and she continued, “She told me I should tell you what I told her. I don’t want to jump to conclusions, though.”
“Conclusions? About what?” I knew exactly what she was talking about. I wanted to hear her say it.
Suddenly the beer bottle on her lap became very interesting as she answered me, “Us.”
“It’s no secret how much I like you, Annie.”
“I know. But, I don’t know what you want from me.” She looked at me through her lashes.
Pulling my bottom lip into my mouth, I watched her eyes go wide and her breathing accelerate. I was making her nervous. She made me nervous. I wanted to tell her the truth. “I don’t know what I want, to be honest. I know I like you and just thinking about you has a smile forming on my face. But, it has only been five months since my wife died.”
“How long were you married?” Annie’s voice was so soft.
“Two days shy of one month. Our relationship isn’t the usual love story. It was our own crazy, written in the moment novel that ended too soon.” I could see all the questions Annie had written all over her face. I could tell she wanted to ask, but didn’t want to upset me. “My wife, Cobie, is...err was, my best friends little sister. She was the line I shouldn’t have crossed. At the time we were both hurting. I guess you could say we used each other. She was supposed to be a one night stand. She ended up pregnant with our daughter, Londyn. When her brother found out he wanted to kill me. Which is ironic. Her older brother is Larkin. He is married to Jenna. He essentially did the same thing to me a few years ago with Jenna. I won’t go into details, because that’s not my story and Larkin makes Jenna happy.”
I chanced a look at Annie. She had moved around again. This time she had her knees at her chest with her arms wrapped around them, her beer dangling in one hand, and her chin resting on her knees. “I’m so sorry, Gage.” Her eyes full of sincerity.
I lifted one shoulder and brought the bottle to my mouth again, empting the contents. “Anyway, Cobie and I decided we wanted our daughter to have a stable, loving home. I bought a house in her hometown and we made a home. I fell in love with her. Could I say, if it wasn’t for Londyn, would we still have fell in love? I don’t know, and never will. When she was five months pregnant we found out she had cancer. Her options were terminate the pregnancy, which meant inducing early labor and going through all the motions of having a baby, but not taking our baby home. Or, having our family and Cobie losing her life. Cobie made the decision before her doctor was finished telling us our options.”
I heard Annie’s audible intake of breath. “Oh my God, Gage. That is horrible.”
“I was so fuckin’ pissed in the beginning. Then Cobie made me realize there was nothing I could do. I had to accept it. It still hurts and I still struggle. I still have my moments of anger, but I know Cobie is with us.”
Annie took a drink of her beer. “I wish I could be a little more like you.” She gave a sad smile over her bottle.
“Really? Why’s that?” I figured I was the last person she wanted to be like.
“I’ve never talked about this before.” Her eyes started tearing up again.
“You don’t have to. I told you what I did so you would know where I was coming from. I like you, but I’m not looking for anything serious. I just want to have fun again.”
“I was almost six months pregnant when Gabe’s dad was killed.” Annie stared off into empty space.
“Wait, what?”
Shaking her head, Annie looked at me. “Huh?”
“I don’t want to dig, but I thought that Tristan guy was Gabe’s dad.”
The disgust that took over Annie’s face let me know how wrong I was before she opened her mouth. “Fuck no! I hate him. He is the reason Gabe doesn’t have a father.” Shutting her eyes she took a deep breath. “Jase and Tristan have a band with a couple other guys. Gabe’s dad, Derek, was in the band. They had a show one night at some bar about an hour away.” I saw a tear fall from her eye. Reaching up I used my thumb and brushed it away. Flinching, Annie opened her eyes. “After the show the guys thought it would be smart to get high before driving home. Derek knew he was going to be a father. Hell, we said once I turned eighteen we would get married. That never happened. Tristan wrecked his Mustang, killing Derek instantly. Leaving me alone, seventeen and pregnant, to raise our son.”
And here I thought what I went through was bad. At least I had the gift of time. Time to spend with Cobie and make memories I would never forget. To cherish her and our family. At the time I thought I was going through hell. In reality, I was married to someone I loved, we had a beautiful healthy baby, my career was great, and I was surrounded by the ones I loved. Annie lost everything without warning.
“What about your parents? Didn’t they help you?”
Annie shook her head once. “No idea who my father is. Last I heard Vicky, or my mom, if that’s what you want to call her was in jail for drugs. I haven’t talked to her since I was fifteen.” Laying her head back on the arm rest, she used her empty hand to rub her eyes. “I have a sister, Heather, two years younger than I am. When we were little we bounced from foster home to foster home. We were separated and since she was only six at the time a family eventually adopted her. I ended up with a foster family that lived next to my best friend. They never adopted me, but I stayed there until I found out I was pregnant.”
I was at a loss for words. I wanted to tell her how sorry I was or how I could only imagine how she felt. I knew they were just words. They did nothing to ease the pain. The ache was still there. People could talk until they were blue in the face and had a raw throat, nothing helped. This was something you had to deal with on your own.
Leaning up I saw her eyes were shut. Her lips were slightly spread open. I wanted to kiss her. Before thinking myself out of it, I leaned over her and pressed my lips against hers. Her eyes flashed opened. Just as I thought she was going to push me away she dropped her beer on the floor and let her legs straighten. Running my tongue across her bottom lip, I gently sucked it into my mouth and nipped it before taking over her mouth. She tasted like a mix of beer and mint.
Letting my body weight press her into the couch I shoved my hands into her hair. The little moans that were escaping her were pushing me closer and closer to doing something I was sure neither of us were ready for. I wanted her. Bad. The fact was, I wasn’t sure if I was ready to want her. Mentally I was telling myself to stop. My cock on the other hand was up and ready to show off.
Breaking the kiss, I lifted my head. “Annie, if you don’t want this to go any further then we need to stop. I’m starting to lose my control.”
Slowly opening her eyes, Annie was breathing heavy. “What if I said I wanted you to lose your control?” She ran her teeth over her top lip. Fuck. That was hot as hell.
“Are you sure? I mean, are you ready?” Am I ready?
She wrapped her arms around my neck. “Yes. Please. I want this.”
I didn’t want to disappoint her. “Not out here. I don’t want to wake Gabe up.”
Annie smirked. “A little sure of yourself are you?”
Raising an eyebrow, I quipped, “Yep.” I stood and lifted her into my arms.
Making the short walk to my room I laid her on my giant bed. She looked nervous. Maybe she wasn’t as ready as she thought. Or, maybe it was me that was nervous. “Annie, we don’t have to do anything you’re not ready for.”…or anything that I’m not sure I’m ready for.
“I’m not going to say no, Gage. I have wanted you since the night in your bar. I was afraid. I don’t want to get attached and get hurt again.”
Lying beside her, I reached for her hand. “I’m not making promises, Annie. I’m not ready for promises and futures. I like you, right now. That’s all I can offer.”
Turning her head to face me, she said, “I learned six years ago that you have to live in the moment. I have been too scared until you. Something about you makes me want to live.”
Digging into my pocket, I adjusted myself and pulled my iPod out. I hit shuffle and tossed it on the nightstand. Scooting back to Annie I slid my hand under the hem of her shorts. I felt her stop breathing. “You gotta breathe, baby. You won’t be much fun if you pass out from lack of oxygen.”
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