Hearing my daughter’s name made me smile. I looked at Cobie and joked, “If you have anything to do with it, you will make sure she is just like you, huh?”

“Let’s hope,” Larkin laughed.

My parents arrived about an hour later, Londyn in tow. I unfastened her from her car seat and placed her between Cobie’s chest and arm. Londyn immediately snuggled into her mom. She knew who mommy was.

“Gage, you should take pictures. Londyn would want them when she’s older,” Jenna suggested.

Sliding my phone out, I unlocked it and hit the camera button. I snapped a few pictures and held my tears back.

This is it. After I take Londyn from Cobie I will be telling the doctor to ‘unplug’ my wife. I left Londyn snuggled with her mom for as long as she would allow, which ended up being about an hour, before I leaned over to pick her up.

“Give mommy one last kiss, princess.” I placed Londyn next to Cobie’s face for a second before letting my mom take her to feed her.

“I will go get Dr. Chang,” Carrie said, standing by the door.

I took a few short deep breaths. This was the best for Cobie, she would be waiting for me, and she wouldn’t be suffering anymore. I kept telling myself over and over again.

“Mr. Tucker, Mrs. Nayler said you needed to speak with me.”

I didn’t take my eyes off of Cobie, I just nodded. Larkin nudged me. “You need to tell Dr. Chang.”

Shutting my eyes I slowly mumbled, “Take her off life support.”

“Ok, Mr. Tucker. We will make sure she is comfortable. She won’t feel any pain. Before we turn the machine off we will give her a high dose of Propofol, then we will give her more pain medication as needed. It may look like she is struggling to breath at some point, but she won’t be. That will be her brain still telling her lungs they need air, but she won’t be in any discomfort.”

I let my head fall onto her chest. I took a few seconds to collect myself before turning to look at Dr. Chang. “Ok. I’m ready. How long will it take?”

“That is between God and your wife.”

I slowly nodded and turned my attention back to Cobie. A nurse came through the door carrying three syringes and inserted them into Cobie’s IV’s. Dr. Chang waited a few minutes before speaking in some sort of code to the nurse who in turn turned the monitor screen off then turned the ventilator off. The nurse stepped back beside Dr. Chang as we all surrounded the bed.

She couldn’t be dying. This is how she looked when she was sleeping. She looked so peaceful.

Larkin pulled out his phone and played on it for a moment before Bon Jovi’s Livin’ on a Prayer filled the room. Cobie’s favorite song. He laid it on her chest and kissed her cheek. “I love you, sis. Watch over my babies and keep them safe. Tell dad I said hey.”

Jenna then took her turn. Leaning down she kissed her cheek. “Thank you for helping me see that I really was in love with your brother. You saw how much I loved him before I did. I will make sure Evie and the boys know how much their Aunt Co loved them. Raise some hell up there and make sure you get some kick ass angel wings.”

Carrie hugged her daughter and kissed her forehead a few times before pulling back to grab her hands. “Cobie, my sweet little girl. I can still remember when you would play dress up and demand everyone call you Princess Cobie, you even got Larkin to call you that a few times. It seems like you were just learning to walk and talk then before I knew it you were driving and graduating high school then along came Londyn and I watching you walk down the aisle. I love you, angel. Thank you for blessing me with almost twenty-one years of bliss.”

It was my turn. I could do this. I. Could. Do. This.

I kissed Cobie’s lips and whispered, “I love you.” I pulled her hand up to my mouth and softly kissed it. Larkin had fiddled with his phone again and sat it back on her chest. Cowboys and Angels by Dustin Lynch came on. I smiled. Cobie said the day we found out we were having a girl that this was our song. “Here that, baby. That’s our song. Larkin’s playing it for us. He knows how wild I am and how perfect you are, it’s not a secret. Who knew how fitting this song would actually end up being? You are my angel, Co. You walked in when I needed you most. You saved me. You gave me that one thing I was missing. You were the star in my darkest nights. I promise I will spend my forever telling Londyn how much you love her. Its ok baby, you can go. You don’t have to fight anymore. Wait for me up there. This isn’t our goodbye, you hear me? This is see you later.” I kissed her lips one more time. “I love you, Co, so much more than you could ever imagine.”

Carrie, Larkin, Jenna, and I held on to Cobie’s hands. My head was resting on her shoulder when I saw her chest stop moving. Raising my head I kissed her lips one last time. “Until we meet again. I love you.”

I lost it.

“Mr. Tucker, I am so sorry.” Dr. Chang rested his hand on my shoulder.

Cobie lost her fight to cancer March twelfth, ten thirty one at night.

             I saw face after face and nodded like I understood what they were saying but it was all a blur. I was acting on autopilot. I followed the motions but didn’t know what I was doing. If I heard one more person tell me ‘they were sorry for my loss’ or ‘I can only imagine how you feel’, I was going to scream.

They were sorry for my loss? What the fuck? Cobie was my wife not my cell phone. You lose your cell phone. You don’t lose your wife. And, no you cannot even begin to fathom how I was feeling. The one person that made my life feel complete again is gone. I would no longer make her coffee in the mornings or help her take a bath at night.

Scrubbing my hand down my face, I leaned over to Larkin and whispered, “I need to get out of here for a little bit.”