Jamie McGuire - Beautiful Disaster

I laughed once, and then my face compressed around my smile as Finch pulled me into his arms. My knees went out from under me, and Finch carefully lowered me to the floor, pulling me into his lap.

“Ssshh,” he said, rocking me in his arms. He sighed and shook his head. “Damn, girl. What am I gonna do with you?”

I doodled on the front of my notebook, making squares in squares, connecting them to each other to form rudimentary three-D boxes. Ten minutes before class was to begin the classroom was still empty. Life was in the beginning stages of normal, but it still took me a few minutes to psych myself up to be around anyone other than Finch and America.

“Just because we’re not dating anymore, doesn’t mean you can’t wear the bracelet I bought you,” Parker said as he slid into the desk beside me.

“I’ve been meaning to ask you if you wanted it back.”

He smiled, leaning over to add a bow to the top of one of the boxes on the paper. “It was a gift, Abs. I don’t give gifts with conditions.”

Dr. Ballard flipped on her overhead as she took her seat at the head of the class, rummaging through papers on her cluttered desk. The room was suddenly abuzz with chatter, echoing against the large, rain spattered windows.

“I heard that you and Travis broke up a couple of weeks ago.” Parker held up a hand seeing my impatient expression. “It’s none of my business. You’ve just looked so sad, and I wanted to tell you that I’m sorry.”

“Thanks,” I muttered, turning to a fresh page in my notebook.

“And I also wanted to apologize for my behavior before. What I said was…unkind. I was just angry and I lashed out at you. It wasn’t fair, and I’m sorry.”

“I’m not interested in dating, Parker,” I warned.

He chuckled. “I’m not trying to take advantage. We’re still friends and I want to make sure that you’re okay.”

“I’m okay.”

“Are you going home for Thanksgiving break?”

“I’m going home with America. I usually have Thanksgiving at her house.”

Parker began to speak but Dr. Ballard began her lecture. The subject of Thanksgiving made me think of my previous plans to help Travis with a turkey. I thought about what that would have been like, and I found myself worrying that they would be ordering pizza yet again. A sinking feeling came over me. I instantly pushed it from my mind, trying my best to concentrate on Dr. Ballard’s every word.

After class, my face flushed when I saw Travis jogging toward me from the parking lot. He was clean shaven again, wearing a hooded sweatshirt and his favorite red baseball cap, ducking his head away from the rain.

“I’ll see you after break, Abs,” Parker said, touching my back.

I expected an angry glare from Travis, but he didn’t seem to notice Parker as he approached. “Hey, Pidge.”

I offered an awkward smile, and he shoved his hands into the front pocket of his sweatshirt. “Shepley said you’re going with him and Mare to Wichita tomorrow.”

“Yeah?”

“You’re spending the whole break at America’s?”

I shrugged, trying to seem casual. “I’m really close with her parents.”

“What about your mom?”

“She’s a drunk, Travis. She won’t know it’s Thanksgiving.”

He was suddenly nervous, and my stomach wrenched with the possibility of a second public break-up. Thunder rolled above us and Travis looked up, squinting as the large drops fell against his face.

“I need to ask you for a favor,” he said. “C’mere.” He pulled me under the closest awning and I complied, trying to avoid another scene.

“What kind of favor?” I asked, suspicious.

“My uh….” He shifted his weight. “Dad and the guys are still expecting you on Thursday.”

“Travis!” I whined.

He looked at his feet. “You said you would come.”

“I know, but…it’s a little inappropriate now, don’t you think?”

He seemed unaffected. “You said you would come.”

“We were still together when I agreed to go home with you. You knew I wasn’t going to come.”

“I didn’t know, and it’s too late, anyway. Thomas is flying in, and Tyler took off work. Everyone’s looking forward to seeing you.”

I cringed, twirling the damp strands of my hair around my finger. “They were going to come, anyway, weren’t they?”

“Not everyone. We haven’t had all of us there for Thanksgiving in years. They all made an effort to be there since I promised them a real meal. We haven’t had a woman in the kitchen since Mom died and…,”

“That’s not sexist or anything,”

He tilted his head. “That’s not what I meant, Pidge, c’mon. We all want you there. That’s all I’m sayin’.”

“You haven’t told them about us…have you?” I said in the most accusatory tone I could manage.

He fidgeted for a moment, and then shook his head. “Dad would ask why, and I’m not ready to talk to him about it. I’d never hear the end of how stupid I am. Please come, Pidge.”

“I have to put the Turkey in at six in the morning. We’d have to leave here by five….”

“Or we could stay there.”

My eyebrows shot up. “No way! It’s bad enough that I’m going to have to lie to your family and pretend we’re still together.”

“You act like I’m asking you to light yourself on fire.”

“You should have told them!”

“I will. After Thanksgiving…I’ll tell them.”

I sighed, looking away. “If you promise me that this isn’t some stunt to try and get back together, I’ll do it.”

He nodded. “I promise.”

Although he was trying to hide it, I could see a spark in his eyes. I pressed my lips together, trying not to smile. “I’ll see you at five.”

Travis leaned down to kiss my cheek, his lips lingering on my skin. “Thanks, Pigeon.”

America and Shepley met me at the door of the cafeteria and we walked in together. I yanked the silverware from its holder and then dropped my plate on the tray.

“What’s with you, Abby?” America asked.

“I’m not coming with you guys tomorrow.”

Shepley’s mouth fell open. “You’re going to the Maddox’s?”

America’s eyes darted to mine. “You’re what?”

I sighed and shoved money at the cashier. “I promised Trav I’d go when we were on the plane, and he told them all I’d be there.”

“In his defense,” Shepley began, “he really didn’t think you guys were gonna break up. He thought you’d come around. It was too late by the time he figured out that you were serious.”

“That’s bullshit, Shep and you know it,” America seethed. “You don’t have to go if you don’t want to, Abby.”

She was right. It wasn’t as if I didn’t have a choice. But I couldn’t do that to Travis. Not even if I hated him. And I didn’t.

“If I don’t go, he’ll have to explain to them why I didn’t show, and I don’t want to ruin his Thanksgiving. They’re all coming home thinking I’m going to be there.”

Shepley smiled, “They all really like you, Abby. Jim was just talking to my dad about you the other day.”

“Great,” I muttered.

“Abby’s right, Baby,” Shepley said. “If she doesn’t go, Jim will spend the day bitching at Trav. There’s no sense in ruining their day.”

America put her arm around my shoulders. “You can still come with us. You’re not with him, anymore. You don’t have to keep saving him.”

“I know, Mare. But it’s the right thing to do.”

The sun melted into the buildings outside the window, and I stood in front of my mirror, brushing my hair while trying to decide how I was going to go about pretending with Travis. “It’s just one day, Abby. You can handle one day,” I said to the mirror.

Pretending had never been a problem for me; it was what was going to happen while we were pretending that I was worried about. When Travis dropped me off after dinner, I was going to have to make a decision. A decision that would be skewed by a false sense of happiness we would portray for his family.

Knock, knock.

I turned, looking at the door. Kara hadn’t been back to our room all evening, and I knew that America and Shepley were already on the road. I couldn’t imagine who it could be. I set my brush on the table and pulled open the door.

“Travis,” I breathed.

“Are you ready?”

I raised an eyebrow. “Ready for what?”

“You said pick you up at five.”

I folded my arms across my chest. “I meant five in the morning!”

“Oh,” Travis said, seeming disappointed. “I guess I should call Dad and let him know we won’t be staying after all.”

“Travis!” I wailed.

“I brought Shep’s car so we didn’t have to deal with our bags on the bike. There’s a spare bedroom you can crash in. We can watch a movie or—,”

“I’m not staying at your dad’s!”

His face fell. “Okay. I’ll uh…I’ll see you in the morning.”

He took a step back and I shut the door, leaning against it. Every emotion I had weaved in and out of my insides, and I heaved an exasperated sigh. With Travis’ disappointed expression fresh on my mind, I pulled open the door and stepped out, seeing that he was slowly walking down the hall, dialing his phone.

“Travis, wait.” He flipped around and the hopeful look in his eyes made my chest ache. “Give me a minute to pack a few things.”

A relieved, appreciative smile spread across his face and he followed me to my room, watching me shove a few things in a bag from the doorway.

“I still love you, Pidge.”

I didn’t look up. “Don’t. I’m not doing this for you.”

He sucked in a breath. “I know.”