Kristen Ashley - At Peace

And Vi behaved just like her girls. She wasn’t demonstrative with Cal but she found her times to give him looks, touch him, promise things with her eyes that needed no words.

They’d gone to J&J’s after dinner and Sam and Melissa proved they were what they were, funny and able to have a seriously fucking good time. Vi let herself loose with them, laughing more than he’d ever seen her laugh, her face relaxed, happy and even more beautiful than normal because of it.

If he let himself go, he would have enjoyed it. Instead, he had his word with Sam and got the fuck out of there.

His word with Sam didn’t go as easy as his words with Tina and Dane did. Sam wasn’t going to stop and told Cal this flat out then he took the time to explain. Cal understood his reasoning, even admired it, but he gave it back to Sam straight that he was playing with fire and, he got burned, so would Melissa and Vi.

“This is your business because…?” Sam asked.

“Because Vi asked me to have a word,” Cal replied.

“And because you’re fuckin’ my sister,” Sam returned.

Cal stared at him and didn’t respond. He wasn’t surprised Sam had figured this out. Vi might have found her times but that didn’t mean no one was paying attention.

“She talks about you, so do the girls, they like you. I’m cool with that,” Sam told him. “She needs good shit in her life and the minute I saw you, brother, you struck me as good people. I’m happy for her. But you installed a security system that rivals the Pentagon’s to help keep her safe so, I’m guessin’ you know where I’m comin’ from.”

He did, he just didn’t agree with it.

“I’m tellin’ you, you need to stand down,” Cal repeated.

“And I’ll tell Vi-oh-my you did what you could. But I’m not standin’ down.”

Cal again didn’t respond.

Sam held his stare for awhile and finally asked, “We good?”

They weren’t anything or they wouldn’t be.

“Yeah,” Cal replied.

“Fantastic. When we come back and Vi makes her risotto again, I’d hate to see you sittin’ there glarin’ at me while I’m eatin’ it. Shit’s fuckin’ ambrosia and, brother, you’re kinda scary. Would ruin the risotto.”

Nothing would ruin Vi’s risotto that shit was the best thing he’d ever tasted in his whole fucking life.

Cal wanted to laugh. He didn’t because he knew, Sam came back, he wouldn’t be sitting at Vi’s table eating anything.

He finished their pool game, said his good-byes to a surprised Melissa and a shocked Vi and he got out of there.

He went home, called Nadia and set it up for the next day.

It needed to be done.

It didn’t matter Cal didn’t open the door, the three of them were charging through. Vi, Kate and Keira, female battering rams who were relentless.

And he needed to close it down, cut her loose, cut all of them loose so he could close himself off and open the way for them to move onto a good life.

But Vi had to end it. It had to be her decision this time so there was no going back.

So he was forcing her hand.

He was sitting in the dark, in his living room, in his father’s chair with a bottle of bourbon, a glass half full in his hand when he heard the sliding glass door open.

He’d been home an hour. It took longer than he expected for her to come over.

She slid the door closed and stood at it, her back against the glass, a shadow silhouetted by the moonlight. He didn’t know how she knew he was sitting there. He’d never been sitting in his living room when she came over then again he usually met her at the door. But she knew.

“Did you fuck her?” she whispered.

“None of your business, buddy,” Cal forced himself to say.

“You don’t use protection with me, Cal, so yeah it is. Did you fuck her?”

He didn’t hear any words after she called him Cal. His body had frozen, his mind had blanked.

“I asked you a question,” she prompted, still whispering.

“You want this scene then yeah, I fucked her, Vi,” he lied.

She was silent.

He knew she’d hate it when he reminded her softly, “You don’t get to do this, buddy, this isn’t what we have.”

“I know about Nicky.”

It took everything he had not to surge to his feet.

“Come again?” he asked only after he unclenched his teeth.

“I know about your son, Nicky, your Dad. I know about Bonnie. I know everything.”

Cal swallowed the acid taste burning his tongue then he said, “Everyone knows. It isn’t a secret, Vi.”

“You’re empty.”

He stared at her silhouette. How she knew that, he had no fucking clue but she wasn’t wrong.

“Yeah,” he agreed.

“Nothing can fill you up,” she stated.

“Nope,” he agreed again.

“You won’t let it.”

“Barrel’s got a hole in the bottom, buddy, everything leaks out no matter how much you pour in.”

She was silent a moment then she whispered, “Right.”

She turned to the door and his hand gripped his bourbon so hard he had to focus everything on loosening his grip or the glass would shatter.

Before she opened it, she turned back. “You don’t know, Cal, you have no idea. You’ve shut yourself up for so long in this fucking house with your tragic memories, you have no idea what’s about to walk out your door. Kate, Keira and me, we could have plugged that hole. We could have filled you so full, you’d be bursting. We would have loved that chance. We’d have given it everything we had, no matter the time that slid by, graduations, weddings, grandbabies, you’d have been a part of us and we’d have given everything we had to keep you so full, you’d be bursting.”

Cal didn’t reply.

“Joe,” she whispered, “you let me walk out this door, you’ll lose your chance.”

Cal didn’t move.

Vi waited.

Cal stayed seated.

Vi slid open the door, walked through and slid it to. He didn’t hear her calmly walking across his deck to the steps, he heard her running.

When he heard that, the glass shattered in his hand.

It was bad timing. Then again, it was never good timing for shit like that.

Never.

Ever.

But this was different. This was the worst.

Because Cal was home.

He had been home once in the last two and a half months. Once, for a night, gone the next day. I hated myself, but I’d looked. I always looked to his drive, even through the windows, a million times a day at first. I was getting better, bucking the habit. Now I only looked when I drove home, or drove away, or got in or out of the car. Progress.

Though I wore his t-shirts to bed every night. I knew I shouldn’t, I kicked myself every time I pulled one over my head. I just couldn’t stop.

The gifts had been coming; Colt and Mike had been dealing with them. Cal wasn’t around to care. Not that he would have cared if he was around, but he wasn’t around.

It wasn’t regular or steady but the girls knew about the gifts now. Keira had found the next one to come which was two days after the end of Cal and me. A Tuesday, another first. I didn’t know what was in them and Mike and Colt didn’t share. They told me they were keeping in close contact with Tim’s partner Barry in Chicago and they also told me they’d ordered cruisers to cruise our street randomly, which they did. It wasn’t the same safety I felt when Cal was in my house, in my bed or even next door, but it made me feel a little better.

I didn’t care much either. Let him send gifts. Whatever. I had a life to lead. That was hard enough. Fuck Daniel Hart.

The girls had taken Cal’s exit from our lives as I knew they would and I kicked myself, hourly at first then daily, for wrapping them up in that shit.

Just so I could have good sex, just so I could get off. A booty call. I’d hurt my girls for a booty call. Cal said it wasn’t that but it was. It was exactly that.

They didn’t know the extent of it and I tried to act normal and hide from them how it cut me to the quick, not as bad as I suspected, no, even worse, far worse, him being gone. But they were my girls, they felt deep, they sensed things, they knew me and I knew they knew something big had happened and it involved Cal.

At their accurate assessment of the situation, they rallied around their mother.

Keira had done an about face. Cal didn’t come up hardly at all. In fact, in the house he ceased to exist, even Dane had obviously been handed the edict that he didn’t talk about Cal. But when Tina mentioned Cal at that barbeque, Keira called him Mr. Callahan like he was a shadow in our lives, nothing more.

Kate refused to talk about him, switching the subject when he came up at the barbeque and it seemed almost that she hurt even more than her sister. Keira had always been Cal’s champion but they’d formed a bond somehow, Kate and Cal. Maybe over music preferences and pancakes, I didn’t know. What I did know was that Kate was cut to the quick, just like her Mom.

And Cal came up only when Tina brought him up at the neighborhood barbeque Jeremy and Melinda had a month ago and she’d brought him up three times in front of me and my girls, the stupid bitch.

Not taking Cheryl’s advice, I didn’t reel Mike in. I kept him on the line but I’d put my hand way too close to the fire and got burned. I was trigger-shy.

With patience, he stayed as close as I would let him. We dated. He even came over for dinner with the girls who were both very nice to him. I made him my pork chops and he’d said he’d loved them and ate them like this was true, something Keira approved of greatly and let this fact be known to Mike effusively. We made out and it was as good as ever. I’d even spent the night at his place when both of the girls were at a sleepover and his kids were with Audrey. We’d watched a movie in his room, fooled around in his bed but we hadn’t had sex. It was just that it had gotten late so he’d invited me to stay. I’d slept in his big bed, in one of his t-shirts and in his strong arms and I liked it. It felt healthy, it felt safe, it felt sweet but it didn’t make me vibrate, it didn’t electrify me, it didn’t make me feel alive.