It was after seven when she turned off the lights and knocked on Alex's study door. There was no answer for a long time, but she knew that he was there. In the end, she cracked the door open and peeked in. He was sitting in a chair, reading a book, and glanced up at her with a frown.

“May I come in?” She was respectful of him, and his space, and spoke to him from across the room.

“Why? There's nothing to say.”

“I think there is. I'm sorry things got out of hand. I got upset by what you said.”

“You already agreed to give up the idea of law school, Faith. You went back on your word. And there's no point in your taking classes this spring. I assume they're law classes you signed up for?” She nodded and he looked sullen, angry, and cold. And she felt the same icy wind of disapproval she'd had from the men in her life since she was a child. But this time, she was determined to handle it differently.

“We didn't agree. You ordered me to do what you told me to.” She sat down in a chair across from his. It was a small, cozy wood-paneled room, with a leather couch, and two large leather chairs, and a fireplace Alex often lit on winter nights, but not tonight. He hadn't been in the mood. “Alex, this is important to me. I need a new purpose in my life, a reason to live, something to focus on, now that the girls are gone.” She wanted to make him understand how much this meant to her, and hoped that then he would agree.

“You have a purpose. You're married to me. You're my wife.” It was the only role he could see her in, and he had no intention of changing that now. It suited him, whether or not it was enough for her.

“I need more than that. You're a busy man. You have a life. I don't.”

“That's a sad statement about our marriage,” he said, looking glum. Her appeals were falling on deaf ears.

“Maybe it is,” she said quietly. “Maybe it's a sadder statement about me. I need a purpose in life, a bigger one than I've got. Let's face it, I've been a full-time mother for twenty-four years, and I'm out of a job. That's tough.”

“That's life. All women face that when their kids go away to college.”

“A lot of them have jobs and careers. I want to be one of them. And all I can tell you is that I'll do my best not to let it interfere with you.” She was pleading with him, but he showed no sign that he'd relent.

“Things are going to come to a bad pass with us, Faith, if you don't back off.”

“Don't threaten me, Alex. That's not fair. I wouldn't do this to you. If this was important to you, I'd try and support you as best I could.”

“It's important to me that you not go to school.” They were each deadlocked where they were, and Faith had no idea how to resolve it with him, or get what she wanted. She hated to give up. There seemed to be so much at stake suddenly, not just whether or not she went to school. This was about respect and self-esteem, and a new life she wanted desperately, but their old life was far more comfortable for him.

“Can we shelve this for now?” She didn't know what else to do. All she could hope was that time would soften him, when he got used to the idea.

“I'm not going to discuss it with you again,” he said, and then startled her by what he said next. “Do what you want, Faith. I suppose you will anyway. But don't expect my support. I'm a hundred percent opposed to your going back to school. I just want you to be clear on that. Do it at your own risk.”

“What does that mean?” His veiled threat frightened her, just as it was intended to.

“What I said.” She wondered if he would punish her in some way if she went back to school. But in her heart of hearts, she knew it was worth the risk. It was something she knew she had to do. No matter what. For once in her life, she was going to do something just for her.

“Do you want to come upstairs?” she asked him gently, grateful that he had backed off, even a little bit, although there had been an implied threat. Maybe this was the best he could do, and she was grateful that it wasn't worse. It could have been.

“No, I don't,” he said, lowering his eyes to his book again and shutting her out, as he always did.

She got up quietly and left. She touched his shoulder as she went, and he did not respond. He felt like a statue when she touched him, and he said not a word. She went upstairs to take a bath, and then sat in her own small study, while she waited for Zoe to come home. She checked her e-mail, but there was no word from Brad.

Thanksgiving had been difficult certainly, and she'd won a victory. But at a high price. But at least, she consoled herself in the silence of the house, she'd won this round when he told her to do what she wanted. For once in her life, she intended to, and strengthened her resolve to proceed. It was going to be a brave new world for Faith. In truth, it already was.





6


BRAD STAYED IN THE OFFICE UNTIL FIVE O'CLOCK ON Thanksgiving Day. The boys were in Africa, and Pam told him she was playing golf with friends. Their friends were coming at six o'clock, and they weren't going to eat dinner till seven or eight. She had invited forty people, at least half of whom he didn't know. And he didn't even bother to object. There was no point. Pam did what she wanted to. The only difference his objections made was that she prepared better arguments to convince him. But in the end, perhaps because of lack of energy on his part, Pam prevailed. He preferred to save his energy for bigger things, like his work.

He got a lot of paperwork done, and caught up on a number of things. And in a sentimental moment, he wrote a long letter to his sons, telling them how proud of them he was, and that he was grateful for them. They were both terrific boys. He admired their spunk in going to Africa for a year. They were working on a game preserve, tending to injured animals, and assisting animals that were somehow in trouble in the wild. And in their spare time they had volunteered at a church in the village. Dylan was teaching kids and their parents how to read, and Jason was digging trenches for a new sewer system. Their letters so far had been full of enthusiasm and excitement for everything they'd done and seen. It was an unforgettable experience for them. They were going to be there until July, and he had promised himself and Pam that he was going to take some time off from work, and visit them for a couple of weeks. But so far, he hadn't had the time. And neither had Pam. She was far less enthusiastic than Brad about going to Africa. She was terrified of diseases, accidents on a trip like that, and bugs. Her idea of adventure travel was flying to L.A. and staying with friends in Bel-Air.

She and Brad had done some traveling over the years, but never to exotic places, usually to Europe, or somewhere in the States. They stayed in luxurious hotels, and ate at three- and four-star restaurants. Pam loved going to spas, when she had the time, and playing golf with business associates, or clients she was trying to woo to the firm. Almost everything Pam did was geared toward advancing herself somehow, either socially or professionally. She rarely did anything just for the fun of it. She always had a plan. And was totally unlike Brad. He had no social ambitions, no desire to run the world, no need for enormous amounts of money, and the only real passion he had was for his work. The rest went over his head. Pam teased him about it sometimes, and had tried to show him the ropes to greed and success. They were lessons that, much to her chagrin, he had refused to learn. And since he'd gone out on his own, and left the firm, she'd given up. Most of the time, nearly always in fact, they each did their own thing, which was a relief for Brad. The work she put into her social and business life exhausted him. He didn't give a damn about showing off, being in the papers, or impressing people in her world.

Brad sealed his letter to his sons, and told them he sent them his love. They had only called a few times in the past four months. There were no phones on the game preserve, only radios that connected to nearby farms, and the local town. In order to call home, they had to go into town, and wait for hours at the post office for a phone and an outside line. It sounded like being on another planet to him. But at least they wrote occasionally, and so did he. Pam kept sending them care packages with vitamins and insect repellent, purchased by her secretary, and so far, all but two of the packages had been stolen or lost. Somewhere in Zambia there were postal workers or customs officers who were taking her vitamins, and no longer plagued by bugs. But he figured the boys were fine.

He thought of calling Faith before he left the office, but when he glanced at his watch, he realized that they were probably about to sit down and eat. It was a real bonus for him to have found her again. She was a piece of his childhood, his history, a memory of a happy time for him. Things had gotten complicated for him after college. His parents had gotten divorced, and he had always felt that the acrimoniousness of the divorce had killed them both. His mother had died of breast cancer at forty-three, after being obsessed with the things Brad's father had done to her, and his father had had a heart attack two years afterward. They had become and remained bitter, angry people whose only interest had been doing each other harm. His father had refused to attend his ex-wife's funeral, as a final slight to her, and in the end the only one it had hurt was Brad. He had vowed to himself that he would never marry. And when he met Pam, and dated her, she had had a hard time convincing him to get married. And when she finally did, after issuing a tough ultimatum to him, he was equally determined never to get divorced. He didn't want his sons to feel the same anguish he had, watching his parents' pitched battle to destroy each other. When he said “for better or worse” when he married Pam, he had meant every word of it. He knew then that no matter what happened later on, he was married to her for life.