Bella Jewel - Angels In Leather

No.

Colt snatches the phone from my hand, looks at the picture, and then presses it to his ear. “You son of a bitch. I’ll fucking kill you for this. I’ll fucking gut you.”

Then he sends the phone soaring across the room, but I don’t notice. My entire body slumps forward. There’s no strength to hold myself up. All I can see in my head is Axel’s vacant eyes, and the way his mouth was slightly open. My screams come out high-pitched and violent, unbreakable. Colt leans down, scooping me into his arms. I feel his hot tears drop down onto my cheek. By the time we’re halfway down the hall, my screaming has turned to ragged pleas.

“He’s lying!” I cry, not believing it.

It can’t be over. It’s a trick. He’s playing with us.

Colt looks down at me, his eyes broken. “I’m sorry, honey.”

“No, Colt, he’s not dead,” I begin to scream again. The pain in my chest is something I can’t explain. It’s like two hands have reached in, and torn my heart out. Desperation fills my veins, fighting against reality. This isn’t real. It’s just too easy. It’s too simple. Beast wouldn’t just ring up and say he’s dead. It’s not how a man like him works. He wants a fight, he wants our desperation.

It can’t be real.

Colt takes me to his room, and lays me on the bed. I clutch him, not wanting to let him go, needing something to take this aching pain in my chest away. Grief wracks my body, causing me to shake and cry so hard my teeth snap together. My mumbled words are not comprehendible to anyone. My lifeline has been torn from me. We never even got a chance. We finally broke down that wall, and then we were left with nothing but emptiness.

My beautiful broken man can’t be gone.

“You need to keep looking, Cobra!” I cry, storming through the club four days later.

I’m sleep stricken, my eyes are burning, and I haven’t eaten in days. I know Axel isn’t gone, and no matter what everyone is telling me, something doesn’t feel right. It’s just not in Beast’s nature to go down that easily, and after finding out what he did to Axel all those years ago, I’m not convinced he’s not doing it again. He’d get off far more by knowing he had Axel, torturing him, while everyone thinks he’s dead.

Cobra glares at me. “Fuck, Meadow, I’m doin’ everything I can. I can’t find Beast. I’m not entirely convinced we ever will.”

“You can’t give up on him, he’s not dead!”

“We saw a damned photo!” he barks, stress consuming him.

“That means nothing, you know that. How can you just walk away so easily?”

He grabs my shoulder, shaking me slightly. “God dammit, Meadow. I’ve not slept trying to find him. Do you think I’ll rest until I at least have his body? Jesus, you’re making out like I don’t fucking care. He’s like my fucking brother.”

His voice cracks on the last word, and my heart sinks. God, I’m being such a bitch. He’s doing everything he can, but there’s only so much they can do without recourses. I step forward, wrapping my arms around his waist. He stiffens, and I’m sure for a moment he won’t hug me, but finally he wraps his arms around me. I hold onto him, needing some comfort. My heart is breaking day by day.

I won’t lose my fight though.

“I’m so sorry, Cobra,” I whisper. “I know you’re hurting too.”

He pulls back, looking down at me with a hard stare. “You gotta let me work this how I need to.”

I nod. “And you have to let me work it how I need to.”

He doesn’t question me, because quite frankly I think he’s gotten so desperate that he needs the reassurance that someone else is out there looking for Axel besides him. I give him a weak nod, and grip the keys to Axel’s SUV. I walk out the front door without another look. There’s only one person who might be able to help me now, and that’s Raide.

The ride over to his office is slow; my mind keeps going to Axel. It makes me sick to my stomach to think about what he’s going through right now. I don’t even want to think of the situation he’s probably in, but I do know I’ll fight, just like the guys, until the day I get a final answer. It’ll be Axel alive – which I believe he is – or it’ll be sighting his body as proof he’s gone. I won’t stop until I get one or the other.

“Meadow,” the receptionist says as I walk through the front door to Raide’s office.

“Is he here?” I whisper, exhausted.

“Yes, let me call him.”

She’s giving me a hard stare; clearly she thinks that I’m having one off with her boss. She has no idea. I hear her whispering something on the phone, and then she hangs up and I see Raide’s office door open. At the sight of him, my eyes burn. I don’t know why. He’s the only hope I’ve got left; he’s the only chance we might have of finding Axel. He walks over, surprising me by taking me in a firm, yet warm hug.

“I’m so sorry, Meadow. We’re doing everything we can.”

“Can we talk, Raide?” I ask, pulling back.

“Of course, come in.”

We head into his office, and I sit on the chair over from him. He looks as exhausted as me, his eyes are heavy and his face is lacking any emotion. I speak before he gets the chance, I don’t want to waste anymore time.

“I don’t think he’s dead,” I say, simply.

Raide looks up at me. “No, I don’t think so either. It’s not the way clubs like Beast’s run.”

“Axel’s guys don’t have enough recourses to be able to find him on their own, but I know you do.”

He sighs, running his hands through his hair. “I don’t have enough information on Beast, without that USB...”

“I have information,” I say.

He raises his brows. I exhale loudly. Axel doesn’t know it, because he came after me so quickly, but when I got to Lady’s house the night he was taken, I looked over the USB drive before giving it back to him. I studied some of the information and locations. I didn’t give them to the boys at the club, because they’ll only get themselves killed going in. I can’t risk Axel like that. I feel safer knowing Raide has it.

“How?” he asks.

“I have seen what’s on the USB.”

His eyes widen. “Meadow, I can’t stress enough how much that information would change this.”

“I can only tell you what I remember,” I point out. “But I remember some locations.”

He nods, and pulls out a pen and paper. “Give me what you can.”

I give him every single thing I remember seeing on that USB. When we’re done, he assures me that he’ll do everything he can to get me the answer I deserve. He knows I need to know. I need closure one way or another. I need to know, more than anything in the world, if Axel is dead or alive.

I need to know if I’ve lost him forever.

TWO MONTHS LATER

MEADOW

Living without you, is like living with no heart, how will I ever know where to start?

Time doesn’t heal wounds. It simply numbs them. In the months that have passed since Axel’s disappearance, nothing has changed. I still wake each morning with a hole in my heart, a hole that can’t be filled. I walk through my day not feeling, not really seeing—just doing. Then, when night falls, I slide into my bed, and cry myself into a fitful sleep. Nothing will ever feel okay until I know he’s okay.

At least until my baby is born.

Staring down at my small, rounded tummy, I know that this baby was sent to me for a reason. I have to believe that. It’s the only thing that keeps me going. I’m just about four months pregnant. I didn’t even know I was, until my stomach started rounding. Then I realized I hadn’t had a period since before I’d been with Axel. The news hit me hard, like a hurricane. I refused to accept it for two weeks, but Colt dragged me to the hospital, and made me get a scan.

Then I saw her.

Okay, I don’t really know if it’s a her, but to me...that’s what she is.

Everything changed for me when I laid eyes on that tiny beating heart. She is the only part of Axel I have right now, and I’m not going to give up on her. It doesn’t take the pain away, though. Each day is still a mission to get through.

I live with Lady now. She’s the only person who I trust enough to take care of us. The guys visit me every day. They’ve claimed me as a part of their club, even though Axel never patched me in.

They’re my rocks.

Not a day goes by that they don’t fight. They’ve been searching for Beast for months now. Raide hasn’t stopped; he’s had his team on it, wanting closure for all of us. If he’s gotten any leads, he hasn’t let me know about it. He won’t give me false hope unless he knows something for sure. I know they all won’t stop until they find Beast, and when they do, they’ll make him wish he were never born.

I don’t blame them for that.

“Meadow? You in here?”

I lift my eyes to see Colt walking into Lady’s living room. I’m sitting, staring out the window with my hands on my belly, like I do most days. I give him what used to be a smile, and he takes a seat beside me, his gaze searching my face.

“It’s been so hard around the club lately, so we thought tonight, we’d do a cook-out. We’re just tryin’ to piece together what was broken. I want you to come.”

I shake my head. “No thank you.”

He reaches out, taking my hand. “You know I’m not going to force you, Meadow, but I need you to try for me. You have to try. You can’t live your life sitting here.”

My eyes grow hard. I can feel them. “What will you have me do, Colt? Pretend like he’s not trapped and probably being tortured? Pretend like his baby isn’t growing in my belly?”

His eyes fill with guilt. “Shit, no, of course not. I just...I’m just trying to help.”