My eyes shift to the sight of Andy and Colton in a quick but heartfelt embrace. I watch as Andy steps back, one hand still on the side of Colton’s cheek, and his eyes searching his son’s in that way he always does to make sure he’s okay. It’s the look of unconditional love, and I hope that when people watch me interact with Ace, they see the same thing.

Their connection captivates me. As I watch Colton accept love from his dad, my concern over Colton’s lack of engagement dissipates. By demonstration, Andy has given Colton all the tools he needs to know how to be a good father. My fears fade as a vivid picture forms in my head of how Colton will love Ace: absolute, unequivocal devotion.

Just as he has loved me.

Andy glances my way. “And there’s the woman of the hour!” His voice booms through the room and then he immediately winces when he realizes how loud he was.

“Andy . . .”

He swoops down and gathers me up in one of his bear hugs you can usually feel all the way to your toes, but at least he’s a little gentler this time around. “Rylee-girl, you’ve made me so damn happy. All over again. You are such a blessing to this family,” he says. He pulls back and does the same thing I was just admiring with Colton to me—hand on my cheek, eyes searching mine—and I feel blessed to be completely loved by my in-laws.

“You good?” he asks, eyes double-checking to make sure the smile on my face is real.

“I’m incredible,” I whisper back with the smile spreading on my lips. How lucky was Colton to have sat on this amazing man’s doorstep? A patient man capable of teaching him what it means to love so completely. For that, I will forever be grateful to him. “Congratulations, Grandpa.”

He throws his head back and laughs that full-body laugh of his that reminds me so much of Colton’s, even though he is adopted, that I squeeze his hands and wonder if Ace will have the same mannerism when he laughs like that when he’s older.

“Move out of the way, Andy, I need to hug this new momma who just gave me my first grandchild,” Dorothea says. She all but pushes her husband out of the way so she can hold my cheeks in her hands and kiss both of them.

“Hi.” Surprise flickers through me when I see tears in her eyes.

“Thank you,” she whispers, her usually resonating voice unsteady and laden with emotion. “He’s absolutely adorable. You must be over the moon.”

“No need to thank me—”

“Yes, there is,” she says with a nod of her head to tell me not to argue. I’m smart enough to know by now when to pick my battles with her and this is not one of them. She leans in and gives me what feels like the hundredth hug in as many seconds before standing back with a soft smile on her lips and adoration in her eyes.

My gaze shifts over her shoulder to my dad. I’ll never forget the look on his face: awe, pride—discomfort at being packed like sardines in the room—but more than anything, love.

“Hi, sweetie.” He steps forward and presses a kiss to my head. But I don’t let him off that easily because I wrap my arms around him and hug him tight.

“Hiya, Daddy. What do you think?”

“I think I couldn’t be more proud of you and in love with him and I haven’t even gotten to hold him yet,” he says with a laugh. “You’re going to be a fantastic mother.”

And this time I don’t fight the tears but let one slip over and down my cheek, because that’s a huge compliment coming from a man I’ve idolized my whole life.

“Your turn,” my mom says, softly nudging my dad from the side as she holds out Ace for him to take for the first time. I watch the transition from one of my parents to the other and instantly know I’m going to enjoy watching them be grandparents to my son. And not that Dorothea and Andy won’t either, but it’s my parents, so the notion hits home a little more, knowing the same arms that rocked me as a newborn are going to rock him too.

I look to the right and notice Colton also watching them and realize he will never be able to have that same thought, and a part of me hurts for him because of it. And for the first time, I truly understand his hesitation, feeling like he’s on the outside here because not a single person in this room shares the same blood running through them with him like I do. It’s a humbling thought that opens my eyes all at the same time.

My dad looks up from Ace in his arms and asks Colton something, so my mom’s attention shifts to me. “Hey baby girl,” she says as she sits on the edge of the bed and reaches out with her fingers to move the strands of hair from my face. “You look tired. You in a lot of pain?”

“Just sore, but the pain was definitely worth it,” I say as she leans forward and presses a kiss to my forehead.

“Yes, he is most definitely worth it. You two sure know how to make a beautiful baby.”

“It’s in the genes,” I say.

The conversation continues on around us as my mom asks me to retell everything I’ve already told her about on the phone: how my water broke, the labor, how Ace is eating, about his health, about my recovery. At some point I scoot over and she sits in the bed beside me. I put my head on her shoulder, and she plays with my hair like she used to when I was a kid and was sick. It’s comforting and soothing and just the right person I need right now to bridge that gap for me from pregnant to now being a mother. She knows I don’t need words, just her silent support, and it means the world to me as I look around this room crammed full of our friends and family.

There’s barely any room for anyone to move and everyone is watching Ace get passed from person to person and complimenting on what an easy baby he is to not be scared by all of this. And suddenly I’m overwhelmed with the thought that as many heartbreaking lows as I’ve been through trying to have a baby, it couldn’t have turned out more perfectly.

My heart is absolutely the fullest it has ever been in my life.

Time passes, the chatter subsides, and at some point Ace begins to cry. My body reacts to the sound of him. Panic sets in as Tanner tries to soothe him by bringing him up to his shoulder. And it’s not that I don’t want my brother to hold him but rather I need to hold him more. My body vibrates to hold my son again with a strange new mix of maternal instinct and hysteria.

“I can take him, Tanner,” I say, trying to subtly let him know.

“I can handle it, Ry,” he says. As I meet Haddie’s eyes she knows I’m starting to freak out.

“Tanner,” my mom’s voice rings above the chatter in a warning, “we’ve got a new momma here who is a bit overwhelmed by all of us swooping in on her at once. She hasn’t held Ace in a bit, and I’m sure she’s getting a little frantic, so why don’t you hand him over?” And even though I can’t see her face, I know the exact look she gives him from my own experience.

He responds immediately but by the time he gets Ace to me I’m sweating and heading toward a full-blown panic attack. “Here you go,” Tanner says as he slips him into my arms and plants a kiss on both of our heads. “He really is beautiful.”

And I can breathe again. He’s crying and I have no clue if it’s because of all of the stimuli or if he’s actually hungry, but I don’t care because he’s back in my arms. I look up to find Colton through the crowd of people, and he can tell I’m flustered and overwhelmed. When he mouths I love you, it puts a little more right in my world.

“Okay, guys,” he says after winking at me, “it’s feeding time and not for me.” Laughter rings through the room. “Thanks for coming to meet Ace, but it’s time to say goodbye and head out.”

The room explodes in a hurried frenzy of hugs and congratulations and promises to stop by the house later in the week or phone calls to check in before Colton ushers them all out. The women linger a little longer, asking the questions they couldn’t with the guys around before they begrudgingly leave the room with just my mom left.

“Thank you,” I whisper to her with a sigh as I unbutton my hospital gown and let Ace latch on. That instant surge of calming hits me. All better.

“It may have been a long time ago for me, but I remember that feeling of panic and give me my baby back and being overwhelmed.”

“You’ve got that right,” I murmur, both of our heads angled downward as we watch Ace fall into bliss.

“Just remember that your hormones are going to be out of whack for a while so expect the sudden hot flashes and mood swings—”

“Great,” I say with a laugh.

“How’s Colton doing with all of this?” she asks.

“He’s fine,” I say hesitantly, and I’m not sure if I’m trying to fool her or want her to delve deeper into my comment. But being my mother, I’m pretty sure it’s the latter.

“Fine can mean a lot of things,” she murmurs as she leans her head on top of my head resting on her shoulder.

I’m quiet for a few moments. As involved in our lives as our families are, I usually don’t relay the details of every issue. Part of me feels kind of alone right now. Part of me also needs the reassurance that what I think I should do about it is the right thing.

“Fine as in, he’s present, but I know he’s scared for so many reasons. Afraid to do too much, not enough, to drop him, that he might not connect with him, that he might be like his parents . . . I don’t know.” So much for keeping my thoughts private. But at least I’ve said them to the one person I know won’t judge me and won’t repeat them elsewhere. Thank God for our mother-daughter bond.

“Men are fickle creatures,” she murmurs. “Of course he has fears. And his are probably a little more justified after all he’s been through. Give him time. He looks at his hands and sees how big they are against Ace’s head and thinks how he might accidentally hurt him somehow.” I murmur a sound of understanding. The soothing feeling of Ace nursing and my lack of sleep, cause my exhaustion to catch up with me. “Your body was made to do this, to be this . . . It has gone through all sorts of changes over the past nine months. Plus you’ve raised the boys so you’re more comfortable with kids than he is.”