T. Leigh - A Tragic Wreck

He planted a deep kiss on her lips. “I love you, too, Miss Wellington. Now, let’s get out of here.” He winked, grabbing her hand and leading her out of the bar. He knew he had strong feelings for Chelsea, but was it love? He couldn’t be sure. But, at the same time, he didn’t want to lose her. He cared about her quite a bit. He was surprised how quickly he fell for her once he realized she wanted something more than just an occasional hook-up. He enjoyed her company, but that feeling of electricity running through his body anytime she touched him was missing. She wasn’t Olivia.

Olivia would always be the one he cherished above all others, the apple of his eye, but she pushed him away. Chelsea was the type of girl he could see himself spending the rest of his life with. Even though they had only been dating for a few months, he had known Chelsea for nearly a decade. She was ready for the next step.

And maybe he should be, too.

ON NEW YEAR’S DAY, Olivia lay on her couch, her tank top and gym shorts no longer fitting properly. She clutched onto Nepenthe, desperate for him to work his magic and take away her sorrow. For the past few weeks, she had remained a relative recluse in her little beach cottage. Hoping to avoid Cam, she no longer took her coffee on the front porch. Instead, she tortured herself nearly day and night, looking at photos of Alexander on the internet.

New photos poured in on an almost daily basis. Her heart would catch in her throat once in a while when she stumbled across a photo of her and Alexander that had been taken early in their relationship. But she was now just a footnote in his life, reporters never even finding out her name. She didn’t want to be in his life. She had to keep reminding herself of that.

As she started to drift off to sleep, she heard a loud banging on the door. Olivia remained on her couch, refusing to get up and answer. The banging continued. After several minutes, she got up, swearing as she swung open the door.

“Hey. There you are,” Cam said, a wild look in his eyes. “Are you okay?” he asked, taking in Olivia’s disheveled appearance, wondering if she had heard the news. When he received the text from Elsie that afternoon, he quickly jumped in his car, speeding through town to Olivia’s house, hoping she had no idea.

As Cam's eyes surveyed her body, Olivia immediately felt self-conscious. In the back of her mind, she tried to remember the last time she showered. Her face felt oily and she was sure the grease in her hair would give the Exxon-Valdez spill a run for its money.

“I’m fine, Cam.” She started to close the door.

“Hey. Hold on,” he said. “I thought maybe you’d want to go have oysters or something later. We can watch the shrimp boats come in. It’ll be fun.”

Oysters. Why was it always oysters? “No, thank you.” Olivia tried to close the door again, but Cam put his hand on the jam, preventing her from closing it all the way. He regretted leaving things the way he did all those weeks ago. He should have kept a better eye on her but, for some reason, he couldn’t bring himself to knock on her door each and every morning. He would drive up, walk up the stairs, and just stand on her deck. Now, looking at how broken she looked, he regretted his decision. She needed a friend and he failed.

“Listen, Libby. I know things have been off for you since the last time we, well, ya’ know.” He looked at her, hoping she would open up to him. “Do you want to talk about it?”

“No, Cam. I don’t want to talk about it. All I’ve done my entire life is fucking talk about it and, well, I’m all talked out. So, if you don’t mind, I’d like to crawl back into my hole and return to my future of being the crazy cat lady.”

“Okay. I was just trying to be a friend.” Cam took a step back and stared at her, not knowing how to react. “We don’t have to talk. I can just keep you company.”

“That’s what Nepenthe is here for. Have a nice day.” She turned around and Cam took in her side view.

“Wait, Olivia,” he said, making her stop. “When was the last time you ate anything?” He sounded worried.

Olivia searched her brain. It was probably the same day she showered and she couldn’t be sure of what day that was.

“You have no idea, do you?”

She looked down, not wanting to look into Cam's concerned eyes. She didn’t need his help. She didn’t need anyone’s help. She could take care of herself, but she didn’t want to. She wanted to turn everything off. That way, it wouldn’t hurt anymore.

She retreated into her house, not closing the door. “If you’re so worried about me, feel free to come in then.”

Cam stepped into the house, taking in his surroundings. All the shades had been drawn and no lights were on. The house was dark and depressing. He walked into the living room toward the front windows. “First things first, vitamin D is important.” He opened the shades and sunlight streamed into the living area.

Olivia squinted her eyes, not being accustomed to any light other than the glow from her laptop. Cam walked over to the kitchen and opened the refrigerator, hoping to find something that she could eat. He found a few containers of Greek yogurt and, after checking the expiration date, grabbed a blueberry-flavored one, opening it.

“Here. Eat this,” he said, thrusting the container into Olivia’s hands as she sat on the couch, eying him with disgust. “I’m not kidding, Libby,” he barked. “You’re on the verge of being malnourished. You need food.”

She rolled her eyes, and shakily began to spoon the creamy substance into her mouth.

“See. You’re so weak you can’t even raise your spoon.”

“I’m eating, okay? So you can leave if all you’re going to do is criticize me,” Olivia sneered.

“I’m not leaving until I know you’re okay.” He sat down next to her, his eyes trained on the woman he had grown to care immensely for over the past few months.

Olivia took another spoonful and thought about that. Was she okay?

“Then you’ll be stuck here a while because I don’t think I’ll ever be okay.” And that was the truth. She was done hiding from her own feelings. She was in pain. She pushed away the one good thing in her life and, in the crosshairs, lost her two best friends. She had no one. She was all alone. It was exactly what she wanted, but now that she was alone, she felt lonelier than she could handle.

“I’m not going to ask you if you want to talk about it, but just tell me what to do and I’ll do it,” Cam said, clearly concerned.

Olivia raised an eyebrow, remembering their last encounter when he said the same thing.

He laughed. “Well, except that. That didn’t work out too well, did it?”

Sighing, she leaned back into the couch. “Can you turn the clocks back a few months? I made the biggest mistake of my life. Why do I always do this?” she cried out. “You saw it. You tried to get close to me so I kicked you out and avoided you for the past God knows how many weeks. And why do I do that?” she laughed. “Because I’m scared I’ll get close to someone and then they’ll leave me. Does that make sense? I’m scared of being alone so I push everyone away, and the result is the same. I still end up all alone.”

Cam stared at her, not knowing how to respond without setting her off. “Is this about Alexander Burnham?” he asked quietly.

Olivia shot up and glared at him, her eyes narrow. “How do you know about him?”

“I’m sorry. I just figured as much. Elsie told me what she talked to you about at the bar that night, and since then, you’ve been locked in your house. You’ve barely eaten. It looks like you haven’t slept. You haven’t been taking care of yourself. I’d guess you’re dealing with a broken heart here. It’s got all the signs,” he said, smiling, trying to lighten the atmosphere in the room.

“I was the one to do the breaking so I have no reason to be upset. It’s my own damn fault. I pushed him away, and then he found me and begged me to go back to him. I told him I wanted nothing to do with him, telling him to forget about me. He’s moved on, and it’s exactly what I wanted. But, if it’s what I wanted, why does it hurt so damn much?”

Cam pulled Olivia close, trying to calm her down. “Sometimes, to protect ourselves, we hurt the people who mean the most to us. It doesn’t make us a bad person, and it doesn’t mean we’ve moved on. I can guarantee that he hasn’t moved on, Olivia. If you were mine, I wouldn’t let you go without a fight.” He pulled a strand of her hair, tucking it behind her ear.

“I didn’t let him fight. I left without saying a word. I told him everything in a letter, making sure he wouldn’t find it until I was three hours out of town.” Tears kept streaming down her face. “And then, when he found me, I made it quite clear I no longer cared about him. I lied through my teeth.”

“Well, maybe it’s not too late. Maybe it’s time to go back to Boston. At least give him a chance to tell you to your face that he’s happier without you. I think you need closure.”

She pulled back, looking at Cam. “I can’t do that. I left town, running like the coward I am. I can’t go back and face everyone.”

“Can’t? Or won’t?”

“You sound like my therapist,” Olivia laughed.

“I just want to help you. Yes, when I first started noticing you, I wanted nothing more than to get in your pants…”

“And you did,” Olivia joked.

Cam held up his hands in surrender. “Hey. I’m just trying to be honest here. You’re a beautiful young woman. And that night, after you kicked me out, I realized you were still hung up on some other guy. And that’s okay. When you were nowhere to be found the past few weeks, I got worried. I know when people are depressed. All the signs were there. I just wanted to make sure you didn’t do something stupid.” Also, Elsie’s text still hung heavy over his head. He wondered how long he could keep Olivia occupied without her finding out about that news. He knew that he would have to tell her, but he wanted to make sure she was emotionally in a better place before he did so.