Rubbing his hands up and down my back he whispered, “It’s okay Ash. It’s okay.”

I broke away from him and said, “No, it’s not okay. This is just a huge mess and I don’t know what to do. I don’t know how to tell you.”

Walking up to me Jason looked into my eyes and said, “Alright Ash, what’s the matter? You’re really scaring me here.”

I lowered my head and took a deep breath. Lifting my head to look into Jason’s eyes I whispered, “I’m pregnant.” 

Chapter 13

Jason

I was starting to get really nervous because Ashlynn wasn’t texting me back and it had been two days since I dropped her off at her apartment. Jade would text me every once in a while telling me that Ashlynn was getting better, but something just wasn’t sitting right with me. I needed to hear her voice. I was just getting ready to leave my apartment to surprise Ash when there was a knock at my door.

Opening the door, I saw Ashlynn and Jade standing there and I couldn’t believe it. I was so relieved to see Ash and I just needed to kiss her. So I picked her up in my arms and walked us back into the apartment kissing her. I wanted to take her back to my room and have my way with her but there was something about the way she was acting that made me a little nervous. While I was happy to see my sister I just wanted some alone time with Ash.

I was just getting ready to sit down next to Ash when I heard Jade whisper, “It’s going to be okay but you have to tell him.”

My heart plummeted so I said, “Tell me what?”

Handing her the bottle of water and sitting down I could tell from her demeanor that something was way off. She was as stiff as a board and I could see her gnawing on her lower lip.

Turning to me she smiled and said, “How much I missed you.” I knew she wasn’t lying about missing me but I could tell something just wasn’t right and I needed to get to the bottom of it.

I was just about to ask her to come back to my room with me when Neil walked out and we started to watch a movie. Throughout the movie I kept peeking over at Ashlynn and she was either picking her nails or biting on her lower lip, which just made me scatter brained and I couldn’t take it anymore. The movie barely finished before I was pulling her up from the couch and dragging her back to my room. My brain had gotten the worst of me and I started thinking that maybe she wanted to break up with me or she cheated on me or something awful.

I could hear her breathing heavily behind me and once we got in my room I closed the door and turned to her. “What’s going on, Ash?” I had to know what the fuck was going on.

I didn’t think I said it too rudely but she just broke down in tears. She began to hiccup and I just ran over to her and hugged her.

I tried to calm her down saying, “It’s okay Ash. It’s okay,” but she pushed me away from her and said, “No, it’s not okay. This is just a huge mess and I don’t know what to do. I don’t know how to tell you.”

I knew she was going to break up with me and I didn’t think I could take it anymore. I just wanted her to come clean about it. As much as it would completely suck I had to hear her say it. Her back was against my bedroom wall so I walked over and caged her in. “Alright Ash, what’s the matter? You’re really scaring me.”

She lowered head and let out a breath and then whispered, “I’m pregnant.”

My jaw dropped open and I looked at her. I didn’t know what else to do. Her face started to scrunch up and she started shifting her weight from foot to foot. Blinking a few times I said, “I’m sorry but what did you just say Ash?”

A little bit louder she said, “I’m pregnant, Jason.”

I dropped my arms to my side and just started walking backwards toward the bed. I needed to sit down as soon as possible or I thought I might pass out. As soon as I sat down I put my head in my hands and said, “I can’t.”

I mean what the fuck was I supposed to do? I had just come to the conclusion that it was going to be okay to date Ashlynn and I wouldn’t mess it up, but kids? I sure as hell wasn’t ready for that. And as much as my dad said I wouldn’t be like him there was still that small amount of me that questioned whether I would treat my own kids like that some day. I knew I couldn’t fast forward time and look into the future so I just figured I would cut the family ties and not risk it. I couldn’t live with myself if I ever treated my own kids the way my dad treated Jade and I growing up.

Before I knew it I was lifting my head towards Ash’s direction but she wasn’t there. I quickly got up from the bed and ran out into the living room but the only person out there was Neil who was sitting at the breakfast bar with the same look I had on my face.

Jaw dropped and eyes wide open.

Running over to him I yelled, “Where are they?”

Neil blinked and looked at me. “They left dude. Ashlynn was in tears and Jade looked pissed beyond belief.”

I walked over and fell on the couch leaning my head back. I didn’t know what the fuck I was supposed to do. This was all just happening so damn fast. I heard Neil walk over to the fridge and grab two bottles of beer. Walking over to me he handed me one and then took a sip of his own. I lifted the bottle to my lips and chugged the whole thing down. After setting the bottle down on the end table I leaned back and closed my eyes.

There was no question that I loved Ashlynn Miller but I was frightened that I would become just like my dad. That guy was a selfish prick and thought he walked on water but right now I was trying to do the right thing. I thought I was being selfless by letting Ash leave because I could have grabbed my keys and sped over there. I could have dropped to my knees and begged for forgiveness and we could have lived happily ever after, but this was reality. In that moment I thought I was doing the right thing by staying away.

Letting out a breath I opened my eyes and saw Neil’s demeanor hadn’t changed. His mouth and eyes were still both wide open so I asked, “What the fuck is that face for?”

Blinking he looked at me and said, “So off topic but fuck, your sister is hot when she gets pissed.”

Shaking my head back and forth I said, “Like I said before Neil, that’s a big mistake. You really don’t want to mess with me right now.”

Taking a sip of his beer he got up and said, “You asked.” He walked back to his bedroom and just as his door closed, the front door opened.

I turned around just in time to see Jade storming towards me. I quickly got up and said, “What the fuck are you doing here?” I probably shouldn’t have said that because she walked right up to me and slapped me hard across the face. I was stunned that Jade had slapped me across the face. Lifting my hand to my face I said, “What the fuck was that for?”

Putting her hands on her hips she said, “I was trying to slap the stupid out of that fucking head of yours. What the hell is your problem? I thought you loved Ashlynn and you didn’t say anything to her. I thought you were going to be happy about this. Ashlynn is carrying your child. You’re going to be a dad. Yes, it’s a lot to take in and you guys are young but you love one another.”

Sitting down I said, “Jade, that’s why I can’t do this.”

Walking back and forth in front of me she yelled, “WHAT THE FUCK DOES THAT MEAN? And don’t you dare give me some bullshit excuse, Jason Tyler Williams.”

Oh fuck. Jade was seriously pissed because she never said my middle name.

Looking up at her, I just started crying. Jade knelt and wrapped her arms around me and said, “What’s going on Jason? I’m your sister for fuckssake. Please tell me what’s going on in that head of yours?”

Letting go of me she got up off the floor and sat down next to me on the couch. Taking my one hand in hers she started rubbing her thumb back and forth along the top trying to calm me. Attempting to calm myself I looked over at Jade and she looked scared out of her mind.

“I can’t be like dad, Jade. I can’t and I won’t do that to my children. If our childhood didn’t wound us and leave scars to remind us every damn day that we didn’t have a normal childhood, whatever the fuck that is, I wouldn’t be sitting here with you holding my hand. I would be ecstatic and twirling Ash around because she’s carrying my child and we’re going to have a baby together. It has nothing to do with being scared because I’m only twenty-one. I’m scared because I don’t want to hurt my child the way dad hurt us.”

Jade moved all the way over and wrapped her arms around me while I broke down again. I held on to my sister like she was the only thing keeping me here. She was the only one who could possibly understand why I was doing what I did and be okay with my decision.

Finally calming myself, I let go of Jade and leaned back against the couch.

She was still sitting in the same position as before and, without taking her eyes off me she said, “Jason you have told me that I am nothing like mom and I never will be. I have been carrying this guilt around with me for so long. So please tell me why it’s different for me but not for you?”

Closing my eyes I said, “Because you’re a good person Jade.”

Taking my hand in hers she said, “Dammit, open your eyes Jason.”

Opening my eyes I looked over at Jade and she had tears welling up in hers. “How could you possibly think you aren’t a good person? You took all of the beatings when we were little because you wouldn’t let him come near me. I just watched and did nothing. You love your unborn child so much that you would rather be away from him or her for the rest of your life than become just like dad. You are the most selfless, best person I know and that is why I can tell you that right now you are making a mess of this situation.”