Chapter Six

After the fourth turn around her living room, Tristan grabbed her ID from the small table inside her door, stuffed her keys in the pocket of her jeans, and took to the streets. She wouldn’t be on call again until the following night. Twenty-four hours with nothing to do. She had plenty to do, actually, but grocery shopping, laundry, or even an evening round of golf with her father were not on her list. What was on her list—right up there at the top, as usual—was a good meal, a bottle of vintage wine, and a passionate woman.

She had choices there. She could call Candace, or Darla, or Sue.

All bright, engaging women who knew how to have a good time. None of them asked where she went or who she saw when she wasn’t with them. If they already had dates, they just said so along with “maybe next time.” The same worked in reverse. She had no hold on them, and wanted none. When they were apart, she didn’t think about them, except now and then in the midst of an enjoyable fantasy.

Tristan checked her watch. Hell. Six p.m. Too late to call now with a dinner invitation. Even she couldn’t pass that off as anything other than an excuse for sex. She might be casual about her relationships, but she genuinely liked the women she dated too much to treat them like coin-operated vibrating beds. She stopped on the sidewalk by her car, considering alternatives. She could drive to Belmont Plateau, a huge grassy expanse in the center of Fairmont Park where the women’s summer softball league played three nights a week and practically all weekend from March until August. She enjoyed watching the games, but she liked watching the women even more. And she could almost always find company for the rest of the night, if she still needed to unwind.

She dug out her keys and tossed them in the air a few times, staring moodily at her twelve-year-old Saab. After four years of medical school, four years of residency, and one year of critical care fellowship, she ought to be able to sleep any time of the day or night. Usually she could, but not today. She’d been restless from the time she lay down shortly after Jett left. She’d tossed, she’d turned, she’d fallen into an uneasy sleep only to awaken every hour. Jittery and wired, she couldn’t relax. She thought about sex, but she didn’t feel like doing anything about it herself. She was still thinking about sex, but she didn’t feel like pursuing the usual avenues. She was not herself.

Leaning against the fender, she stared at her running shoes and fondled her keys. Try as she might, she couldn’t figure out what the hell was wrong with her. Jesus, she was really slipping. Why the hell hadn’t she asked Jett for her number?

“Like that would’ve done me any good,” she muttered. She pushed off from her car and started to walk. With the setting sun at her back and the neighborhood sounds surrounding her, the stretch of her muscles quelled the jangling of her nerves and she finally started to feel settled. When she reached her destination, she laughed and shook her head. Nothing had been quite right since she’d walked into the parking garage that morning and seen Jett McNally’s ass.

Now here she was back at the hospital. With a shrug she headed inside. So what if it didn’t make sense. This felt right.

Tristan knocked on the hospital room door, pushed it open an inch, and peeked inside. “Anybody home?”

“Just everybody,” Honor called back. “Tristan? Come on in.”

“Hi.” Tristan stepped inside and quickly averted her gaze. Honor held a bundle of what must be Jack, but all Tristan had seen was a snow white blanket covered with small blue flowers and a tuft of light brown, fluffy stuff that must be baby hair. And something pale and creamy that might have been a breast. “Oh, hey. Sorry. I just came to say hi. I’ll come back la—”

“No.” Honor nodded toward Quinn, who sprawled in a chair by the bed, looking supremely content as she stroked the hair of a gorgeous child sitting beside her on a footstool. “Stay. We’re all just hanging out.”

Tristan felt a surge of jealousy and couldn’t figure out why. She didn’t have the slightest desire to have children. She wasn’t looking for a wife. So there was absolutely nothing in the room she coveted, unless it was the overpowering sense of belonging that warmed the very air.

Belonging. What she’d never felt. Pushing that thought quickly away, she nodded to Quinn and tilted her chin in the direction of Honor and the baby. “Everybody good?”

“Great,” Quinn said. “You remember Arly, don’t you?”

“Yes. Hi, I’m Tristan.” Tristan smiled at the girl who looked like she’d been cloned from Honor. Her hair had that yellow shine of youth that would darken to gold with maturity, but like Honor’s, her eyes were already melted-chocolate brown, so unusual in blondes. Dressed in soccer shorts and a loose T-shirt, she leaned with her back against Quinn’s knee.

“I remember,” Arly said. “But you don’t see me, okay? Because I’m not really here.” She gazed at Quinn, adoration in her eyes. “Quinn snuck me in early to see Mom and Jack.”

“Gotcha.” Tristan rubbed her ear. “I’m not even sure I can hear you.”

Arly grinned. “Quinn said you’re going to help coach soccer. We have our first practice next weekend. Are you coming?”

Tristan glanced at Quinn, feeling slightly panicked. In a moment of weakness, she’d said yes to Quinn’s invitation to help coach, but she didn’t know a damn thing about soccer. Other than the fact someone kicked the ball. Somewhere.

Honor must have caught her look, because she started to laugh.

“You’d better be careful. This is how it started with Quinn.”

“What started?” Arly asked.

“Quinn coaching. First soccer,” Honor said teasingly, “then field hockey, then volleyball. This year it’s softball.”

“In a few years I’ll be tall enough for basketball,” Arly said eagerly.

Quinn groaned. “Hey, Tris, you play basketball?”

Shaking her head, Tristan leaned against the door, enjoying herself immensely. She’d seen Quinn in a lot of different situations, but she’d never seen her look quite this happy—as if everything that mattered in the world was right in this room. For just a second, Tristan wondered what that would feel like.

“I’ll be there,” Tristan said. “But you’ll have to help me, Arly. I’m not very good.”

“That’s okay.” Arly tossed her a grin that was pure Quinn. “I am.”

Jett carried the plastic hospital tray to a table in the far corner of the cafeteria. She had a half hour before her tour officially started, and as she did every night she was on call, she had dinner and then went up to check her aircraft. Visiting hours didn’t start at the hospital until seven p.m., so the cafeteria was almost empty except for scattered groups of house staff congregated around tables, discussing patients and signing out for the night. It wasn’t all that much different from a mess tent filled with soldiers, except none of this group had to worry about being blown to pieces before dessert.

She wondered how long it would be before she didn’t think about where she’d been and the things she’d seen every waking moment.

Actually, that wasn’t true. With a start, she realized she hadn’t thought about any of those things—the war or death or even Gail—while sitting with Tristan this morning. Tristan. Jett couldn’t figure her out.

She’d never been certain of Gail either, but that had been her own misjudgment. Maybe if she hadn’t woken up in hell every morning, knowing that she might not live through the day, she would have been more careful. She wasn’t going to make that mistake again.

People usually wanted something, and she’d learned long ago if she made it difficult to get close to her or to get anything from her, they quickly turned their attention somewhere else. Then she could decide who to let close, although she never felt the need. When she wanted something other than flying to satisfy her, or when she needed a way to burn off the adrenaline rush or the fear or the anger, she used sex.

She could lose herself in sex, wear herself out with sex, as long as she was careful to be sure that what she needed also worked for whoever she was with. She’d gotten good at choosing the right women, and the system of sex without intimacy had worked pretty well her entire adult life. Until Gail.

Tristan was very different from Gail. She didn’t seem to hide much, but Jett had no idea why Tristan wasn’t put off by her stay away signals. That alone was enough to make her wary. She couldn’t figure out her own response either. She hadn’t had sex in longer than she was used to, as her sleeplessness and constant unrest proved, and Tristan had a great body. But Jett didn’t have coffee and conversation with women she had sex with. She had sex with as little personal exchange as possible, other than what needed to be done to pleasure them both.

More often than not, bringing a woman to orgasm settled her enough that she didn’t need to come right away herself. She could wait until she was alone, replaying the sights and sounds and sensations, until she came in the solitary safety of the night. Thinking about Tristan jogging across the rooftop, dark hair whipping around her bold features and her powerful body covering the distance in commanding strides, or lazing beside her in the sunlight, full lips parted in a teasing smile, Jett had a feeling her imagination might be enough to hold her for quite a while.

As if conjured by Jett’s thoughts, Tristan appeared across the room, a cup of coffee in her hand. Dressed in street clothes—jeans, a white open-collared shirt, and sneakers—she looked like an ad in some trendy magazine. And just about as foreign. Tristan halted a few tables away when she saw Jett, a question in her eyes. She waited, as if signaling Jett the next move was hers.