Then, without allowing herself to consider the appropriateness of her question, Mary Jo said, “About what you said a few minutes ago…Have you ever loved unwisely?”
Grace sat down again. She didn’t speak for a moment. “I did,” she finally said. “I married young and then, after many years together, I was widowed. I’d just started dating again. It was a whole new world to me.”
“Were you seeing Cliff?”
“Yes. He’d been divorced for years and dating was a new experience for him, too. I’d been married to Dan for over thirty years, and when another man—besides Cliff—paid attention to me, I was flattered. It was someone I’d had a crush on in high school.”
“Did Cliff know about him?”
“Not at first. You see, this other man lived in another city and we e-mailed back and forth, and he became my obsession.” Grace’s mouth tightened. “I knew all along that he was married and yet I allowed our Internet romance to continue. He said he was getting a divorce.”
“It was a lie?”
“Oh, yes, but I believed him because I wanted to. And then I learned the truth.”
“Did Cliff find out about this other man?”
Regret flashed in her eyes. “Yes—and as soon as he did, he broke off our relationship.”
“Oh, no! You nearly lost Cliff?”
“As I said, I’d learned the truth about Will by then and was crushed to lose Cliff over him. I was angry with myself for being so gullible and naive. I’d lost a wonderful man because of my foolishness. For a long time I could hardly look at my own face in the mirror.”
“That’s how I feel now,” she murmured. Will, she thought. She’d heard that name before….
“It does get better, Mary Jo, I promise you that. Will, the man I was…involved with, did eventually lose his wife. She divorced him and, while I believe he had genuine feelings for me, it was too late. I wanted nothing more to do with him. So you see, he really was the one who lost out in all this.”
“Cliff forgave you?”
“Yes, but it took time. I was determined never to give him cause to doubt me again. We were married soon after that and I can honestly say I’ve never been happier.”
“It shows.”
“Cliff is everything I could want in a husband.”
The door off the kitchen opened and Cliff came in, brushing snow from his jacket. He hung it on a peg by the door, then removed his boots. “When I left, you two were sitting right where you are now, talking away.”
Grace smiled at him. “I was about to change my clothes,” she said. “Keep Mary Jo entertained until I get back, will you?”
“Sure thing.”
Grace hurried out, and Cliff claimed the chair next to Mary Jo. As he did, he eyed the crumpled tissues. “Looks like you two had a good heart-to-heart.”
“We did,” she admitted and then with a sigh told him, “I’ve been very foolish.”
“I’m sure Grace told you we’ve all made mistakes in our lives. The challenge is to learn from those mistakes so we don’t repeat them.”
“I don’t intend to get myself into this predicament ever again,” Mary Jo said fervently. “It’s just that…” She hesitated, uncertain how much to tell him about her brothers. “I feel like my family’s smothering me. I have three older brothers and they all seem to think they know what’s best for me and my baby.”
“They love you,” he said simply.
She nodded. “That’s what makes it so difficult. With my parents gone, they feel they should be the ones directing my life.”
“And naturally you take exception to that.”
“Well, yes. But when I tried to live my life my own way and prove how adult I was, look what happened.” She pressed both hands over her stomach, staring down at it. “I made a mistake, a lot of mistakes, but I discovered something…interesting after I found out I was pregnant.”
“What’s that?” Cliff asked. He stretched his long legs out in front of him and leaned back, holding his coffee mug. She noticed that his hand-knit socks had a whimsical pattern of Christmas bells, at odds with his no-nonsense jeans and shirt.
“Well, at first,” she began, “as you can imagine, I was terribly upset. I was scared, didn’t know what to do, but after a while I started to feel really excited. There was a new life inside me. A whole, separate human being with his or her own personality. This tiny person’s going to be part David, part me—and all himself. Or herself,” she added, refusing to accept her brothers’ certainty that the baby was a boy.
Cliff smiled. “Pregnancy is amazing, isn’t it? I can’t pretend to know what a woman experiences, but as a man I can tell you that we feel utter astonishment and pride—and a kind of humbling, too.”
“I think David might’ve felt like that in the beginning,” Mary Jo whispered. He really had seemed happy. Very quickly, however, that happiness seemed to be compromised. By fear, perhaps, or resentment. She wanted to believe he’d loved her as much as he was capable of loving anyone. She now realized that his capacity for feeling, for empathy, was limited. Severely limited. Barely a month after she learned she was pregnant with his baby, David had become emotionally absent. He continued to call and to see her when he was in town but those calls and visits came less and less frequently, and the instant she started asking questions about their future, he closed himself off.
“It’s not all that different with my horses,” Cliff was saying.
His words broke into her reverie. “I beg your pardon?” What did he mean? They hadn’t been talking about horses, had they?
“I’ve bred a number of horses through the years and with every pregnancy I feel such a sense of hopefulness. Which is foolish, perhaps, since even the best breeding prospects don’t always turn out the way you expect. Still…”
“I met Funny Face today.”
Cliff’s eyes brightened when she mentioned the mare. “She’s my sweetheart,” he said.
“She seems very special.” Mary Jo remembered the moment of connection she’d felt with this horse.
“She is,” Cliff agreed. “She’s gentle and affectionate—a dream with the grandchildren. But as far as breeding prospects go, she was a disappointment.”
“No.” Mary Jo found that hard to believe.
“She’s smaller than we thought she’d be and she doesn’t have the heart of a show horse.”
“But you kept her.”
“I wouldn’t dream of selling Funny Face. Even though she didn’t turn out like Cal and I expected, we still considered her a gift.”
Mary Jo released a long sigh. “That’s how I feel about my baby. I didn’t plan to get pregnant and I know David certainly didn’t want it, yet despite all the problems and the heartache, I’ve come to see this child as a gift.”
“He definitely is.”
“He?” She grinned. “Now you’re beginning to sound like my brothers. They’re convinced the baby’s a boy.”
“I was using he in a generic way,” Cliff said. “I imagine you’d prefer a girl?”
“I…I don’t know.” She shrugged lightly. “There’s nothing I can do about it, so I’ll just leave it up to God.” She was somewhat surprised by her own response. It wasn’t something she would’ve said as little as six months ago.
During her pregnancy, she’d begun to reconsider her relationship with God. When she was involved with David, she’d avoided thinking about anything spiritual. In fact, she’d avoided thinking, period. The spiritual dimension of her life had shrunk, become almost nonexistent after her parents’ death.
That had changed in the past few months. She thought often of the night she’d knelt by her bed, weeping and desperate, and poured out her despair, her fears and her hopes. It was nothing less than a conversation with God. That was probably as good a definition of prayer as any, she mused. Afterward, she’d experienced a feeling of peace. She liked to imagine her mother had been in the room that night, too.
“You’ve got everything you need?”
She realized Cliff had spoken. “I’m sorry, what did you say?” She hated to keep asking Cliff to repeat himself, but her mind refused to stay focused.
“I was asking if you have everything you need for the baby.”
“Oh, yes…Thanks to my friends and my brothers.” Mary Jo was grateful for her brothers’ generosity to her and the baby. Their excitement at the idea of a nephew—or niece, as she kept telling them—had heartened her, even as their overzealous interference dismayed her.
Linc, who tended to be the practical one, had immediately gone up to the attic and brought down the crib that had once belonged to Mary Jo. He’d decided it wasn’t good enough for her baby and purchased a new one.
Mary Jo had been overwhelmed by his thoughtfulness. She’d tried to thank him but Linc had brushed aside her gratitude as though it embarrassed him.
Mel was looking forward to having a young boy around—or a girl, as she’d reminded him, too—to coach in sports. She’d returned from work one day recently to find a tiny pair of running shoes and knew instantly they’d come from Mel.
And Ned. Her wonderful brother, Ned, had insisted on getting her a car seat and high chair.
Mary Jo had knitted various blankets and booties, and her friends from the office had seen to her layette in what might have been one of the largest baby showers ever organized at the insurance company. Other than her best friend, Casey, no one had any inkling who the father was, and if they speculated, they certainly never asked. Regardless, their affection for Mary Jo was obvious and it made a difference in her life.
Grace returned just then and Mary Jo heard the sound of a car door closing. The front door opened a moment later and a girl of about five ran inside. “Grandma! Grandma!” she cried. “I’m an angel tonight! I’m an angel tonight!”
Grace knelt down, clasping the child’s hands. “You’re going to be an angel in the Christmas pageant?”
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