For the first time, I look out of the window and realize we’re on some random road in the middle of nowhere. Oh my God. He’s a serial killer and he’s taking me to the woods to kill me.

“I thought we were going to the movies?” I ask.

“There’s this cool drive-in movie place right outside of town. I think you’ll really like it.”

I’ve never been to a drive-in movie. It does sound kind of cool — if I were with anyone but Nathan — but I need to let Olivia and Charlie know we won’t be at the regular theater in town. And give them directions, just in case he does dump my dead body in the middle of nowhere.

Just as I fire off a text to them, we turn off the highway onto a gravel road, under a vintage-looking sign that doesn’t look restored. In fact, it looks like it’s missing most of the bulbs.

Okay, so now I’m convinced I’m going to die.

I twist around in my seat, trying to get my bearings, when we stop at a small booth. There’s a middle-aged guy inside who sells us our tickets.

“Tune into FM 94.3 to hear the audio,” he says just before we drive away. There are a few other cars scattered around. I take a deep breath. I’m definitely just being paranoid. Right?

Once we pull into our spot, Nathan flips on the radio. Some cheesy elevator music floats through the speakers. The gigantic screen up ahead is blank. We’re parked on a gravel lot, but the surrounding area is full of overgrown weeds and bushes. It’s dark outside and a little creepy.

“So what movie is playing?” I ask.

Nathan makes a show of looking around. “I’m not sure. I think it’s a Christmas one, though.”

“Have you ever been here?” I ask.

He shakes his head. “No. MJ told me about it. Sounded cool.”

I scan the area and see a gift shop on the far side of the lot. This is so bizarre. I check my phone discreetly, but neither Olivia nor Charlie has replied yet.

I scan the other cars. “Have you noticed all of the other cars only have one person in them?”

He turns and takes in each vehicle. “Well, maybe their dates are in the gift shop? Or in the bathroom?”

I turn back toward the gift shop. The building isn’t much bigger than Nonna’s kitchen. “It must be pretty crowded in there.”

The music crackles and I see lights flicker on the screen. Here we go.

On the screen, two girls in elf hats and skimpy costumes are in a workshop surrounded by old-timey-looking toys.

“Those are some seriously cute elves,” Nathan says, his eyes glued to the screen.

My upper lip curls.

“That one on the left, especially,” he adds.

Okay, he’s the worst date ever. I check my phone again, willing Olivia or Charlie to respond. I may not have to lie about this headache.

Then a very muscular Santa comes on-screen, wearing only pants and a Santa hat. There seems to be a great deal of oil lathered over his bare chest.

What is happening?

It only takes another twenty seconds to tell what kind of movie this is. The two elves start talking about how bad they’ve been, and in another couple of seconds, they’re only wearing the elf hats and NOTHING ELSE.

Repeat: NOTHING ELSE.

And don’t get me started on the sounds coming out of the stereo.

I whip around to look at Nathan, who has yet to tear his gaze from the huge screen in front of us. At least he seems surprised.

“How did I not know about this drive-in before tonight?” he asks.

And that’s the last straw. I jump out of the car and run to the gift shop, nearly tripping on every stick and rock in my path while I pull up the contacts in my phone.

Wes answers on the second ring. “What’s wrong?” he says.

“Um, can you come get me? Please. Pretty please. Like right now.” My voice is about two octaves higher than normal.

“Where are you?” he asks.

“I’ll send you a pin. I’m okay, but I can’t stay here and I don’t want to ride back with him. There’s a gift shop. I’ll be in there. Oh, and Evil Joes are evil.”

I end the call and send him a pin just as I push through the gift shop doors. My eyes are assaulted by posters and books and toys and, oh my good God, things I wish I didn’t know existed.

There’s a woman behind the counter who seems surprised to see me. She looks as old as Nonna, but her hair is an orangey yellow and it’s piled a foot high on the top of her head. Her name tag reads Alma. She’s got a cigarette in one hand, and smoke circles her like a halo.

“Hey, hon. What can I help you with?”

“Do you have a bathroom?”

She nods and gestures to a door on her left. I glance out of the window and see Nathan barreling toward the gift shop.

I point to him and say, “Tell that guy our date is over. I have someone on the way to pick me up.” And then I race to the bathroom.

I can hear Alma relay my message, but it doesn’t stop Nathan from banging on the bathroom door.

“Come on, Sophie. I didn’t know. I swear. I’ll take you home.”

The bathroom is small and smells horrible. I stand in the center with my hands plastered to my sides so I don’t touch anything.

“Go away. I have a friend picking me up.”

He argues with me halfheartedly while I ignore him. I’m thankful he doesn’t test the fragile lock on the door. Finally, I hear him say, “Whatever.” Then it’s quiet.

A few minutes later, there’s another knock on the door.

“Hon? He’s gone if you want to come out.”

I hesitate, then open the door a crack. The woman pulls out a stool and puts it next to the counter. “Have a seat while you wait for your ride.”

I thank her and keep my gaze trained on the floor as I walk over to the counter. I check my phone and see a text from Wes saying he’s on his way. Relief flows through me.

“Want to talk about it, sweetie?” the woman asks.

I’m about to tell her no, but for some reason I start talking and don’t stop. I tell her about Griffin and the dates and Nonna and Hundred Hands Harold and Wes and Margot and the baby. She doesn’t seem shocked by my word vomit, just nods along and lights another cigarette.

“So this boy that brought you here…”

“Nathan,” I say.

“Yes, Nathan. You think he did that because some evil person told him to?”

I let out a sharp laugh. “The Evil Joes. My twin cousins, Jo Lynn and Mary Jo. Evil Joes are evil,” I say, mimicking Charlie. I will never doubt him again.

The woman nods along. “But the boy on his way to pick you up…”

“Wes.”

“He’s just a friend?”

I chew on my bottom lip. “Yes. Maybe more. Maybe not. I don’t know for sure. I’m so confused.”

She takes a long drag and I watch the fire burn halfway up the cigarette. “It’s awful nice of that boy to come all this way to pick you up. Do you get to go on one of these dates with him?”

“That’s really not up to me,” I say. “Someone else has to pick him.”

A frown crosses her face. “Well, that doesn’t seem right.”

Lights sweep across the front window of the small gift shop, and I see Wes’s truck. But before I can get off my stool, he’s barging through the front door.

I can tell when he registers the contents of the gift shop, because he blushes slightly.

“Did he pick this place, or the Evil Joes?” Wes asks. “And where is he?”

“The Evil Joes, hon,” Alma answers for me. “And that boy left just after your friend here locked herself in the bathroom.”

He moves closer to me. “Are you okay?”

“Yes!” I can’t hop off of the stool fast enough. “This is just so completely awkward.” As we turn to leave, I stop and throw my arms around Alma. “Thank you,” I say.

She hugs me back and whispers, “Maybe you should be the one picking your dates.”

Once we’re out of the shop, I stuff my hands in my pockets. “I don’t even have words for this,” I say in a quiet voice.

“I didn’t know anything like this existed,” he says back, gazing up at the ridiculously large screen.

I punch him in the arm and he looks back at me, blushing. Then I start laughing. Wes joins in and before long we’re both doubled over.

Finally, we leave the drive-in and get back on the highway headed home.

“Okay, spill,” he says.

I give him the rundown. “The funny thing is, I really think he was as shocked as I was. But even if he was, I couldn’t ride back with him. I mean, I’ve never felt so uncomfortable in my life!”

Wes shakes his head. “I’m glad you called me. What do you think your grandmother is going to say?”

I was thinking about that almost the entire time I was waiting for Wes. “You know they’ll just play dumb and say Nathan picked the movie. Oh, Nonna! We had no idea! ”

“And then Maggie Mae will be like, That boy is a card short of a full deck! ” Wes’s imitation of my aunt’s accent is dead-on, and I crack up all over again. He throws me his phone. “Open the group text and tell them your date is over. Everyone is going to flip.”

I open the group conversation, and scroll through the texts where everyone is recounting the bets they made on tonight’s date. The majority of my family seems to think I’ll make it until at least 8:30 p.m.

“Seriously?” I say to Wes. He grins and shrugs. I turn back to his phone and type:

WES: This is Sophie. Date was over approximately 20 minutes ago.

His phone starts dinging immediately, but I toss it onto the seat.

After a few miles, Wes says, “I thought I was going to lose it the whole drive here. You scared the crap out of me.”

“I’m sorry,” I say. “I should have explained what was going on, but I was so freaked out. This is the second night I’ve ruined for you.”