Diane took a breath. “But I don’t want to be with you while part of my mind is wondering what secret you’re keeping. Is it something you can tell me?”

Valerie stopped on the back porch and pulled Diane into the shelter of her body, out of the wind. She rested her cheek against Diane’s. “We’re planning an operation. I’m preoccupied, that’s all.”

“An operation. You and Cam and the others?”

“Yes.”

“Will it be dangerous?”

Valerie hesitated. “It could be if we’re careless, but we’re not going to be.”

“I don’t have any experience with this. I’ve known Blair most of our lives and I thought I had some understanding of what her life was like, but I was wrong.”

Valerie stiffened. “I had no right to drag you into this. It might be better if I left.”

Diane turned Valerie until she could see her face in the faint light coming through the windows from the house. “Is that what you want? To leave me—to leave us?”

“No,” Valerie whispered faintly.

“Then don’t ever say that again. Just give me time to get used to this. Can you do that?”

“Yes. God, yes. Anything.” Valerie kissed her again, her fingers trembling as she cupped Diane’s face. She buried her face in the warmth of Diane’s throat. “Anything, anything as long as I don’t lose you.”

“You must be certain that I don’t lose you either.” Diane kissed Valerie urgently. “All right?”

Mutely, Valerie nodded, hoping that her silence would be taken as the promise she couldn’t make.

Chapter Twenty-Four

Thursday

Valerie grabbed the phone on the first ring and slipped from bed.

“Yes?” She moved to the window and peered out into a starless black night. She was barely silhouetted, but Diane could still make out the shimmering outline of her body.

“I’m ready…I had to be sure. Yes. Yes, but I don’t trust her.” She lowered her voice and Diane strained to hear. “Look, I can’t talk… Where?…No, somewhere I can be sure you’re alone. Trust?” She laughed harshly. “You might be followed…Look, forget it. I’ll just… Yes, that will work. All right, if that’s what you want…No, that’s too soon. Because I don’t want to alert anyone here to what I’m doing… Yes. Fine. The usual.”

After breaking the connection, Valerie remained still in the silent room, listening to the echo of his voice and the breathing of the woman in the bed. Between those two people lay the boundaries of her world— past and future—bordered by truth and lies. Quietly, she made her way across the room and slipped back into bed. She drew Diane into her arms. “I’m sorry I woke you.”

“How did you know?” Diane asked.

“I could tell from the way you’re breathing.”

“You’re very perceptive.”

Valerie grimaced. “It’s funny, I was trained to do two opposite things equally well. To avoid intimacy with anyone, while at the same time being sensitive to every nuance of expression and movement. It seems I’ve spent my life watching, but never living.”

Diane took Valerie’s hand and drew it to her breast. “I’m alive and I’m very real. So is my love for you.”

“Why?” Valerie murmured, cradling Diane’s breast and brushing her lips over the nipple. “I can’t imagine this is what you want.”

“This? You mean being with you?”

“Everything that being with me means.” Valerie sighed and rested her cheek between Diane’s breasts, still softly caressing her nipple.

“Your phone call. That was the person you report to, right?”

“Yes.”

“You’re going to meet with him.”

“Yes.”

“You lied to him, about not trusting someone here. Cam, I guess.”

“Yes, I lied to him,” Valerie said, holding very still.

“Did he believe you?”

“I don’t know. Probably not. One of the basic rules of our training is not to trust what people say, or sometimes even what they do, until they’ve proven beyond a shadow of a doubt that they’re trustworthy.”

“The two of you have known each other for a long time. Doesn’t that count?”

Valerie gently kissed the curve of Diane’s breast. “You’d think it would, wouldn’t you? But it really doesn’t. It’s possible that he was telling me the truth at the beginning, and somewhere along the line his priorities or his orders changed. It’s nearly impossible to tell.”

“But you don’t trust him any longer, do you?”

“No,” Valerie said.

“Do you trust me?”

Valerie kissed Diane’s throat, then her mouth. “Yes. Completely.”

“Will you tell me what you’re going to do?”

Valerie hesitated and the silence that closed in around them was more frightening than anything she’d ever known. “When I know, I’ll tell you.”

“Thank you.”

“I know I’m asking a lot of you, but—”

“I have no idea why people fall in love,” Diane said. “Or why we need to. But I do know this about you—you’re strong but you’re lonely, and you can survive without love, but you long for it. You need me, and I need you. None of the rest matters.”

“You’re the only person I’ve ever let myself truly need,” Valerie said so softly Diane could barely hear her. “If I lost you now—”

“I’m not going anywhere, I promise.” Diane lifted Valerie’s face between her hands and kissed her, softly at first, then more deeply. She guided Valerie on top of her until their legs entwined and their bodies melded. Her kisses grew insistent as she urged Valerie’s hips to move with hers, calling to her without words, marrying their bodies and hearts with the force of her passion and desire.

“I love you,” Valerie murmured.

Diane’s breath quickened as Valerie groaned and thrust harder. Wanting more, wanting everything, Diane twisted onto her side and forced Valerie onto her back. Still kissing her, Diane cupped Valerie’s sex and found her already wet and open. With a soft groan she pushed inside her, rejoicing silently as Valerie arched and cried out in pleasure and surprise.

“Oh yes, that’s how…there…I need you hard, please, harder,” Valerie gasped.

Distantly, Diane was aware of her own building arousal, but all she wanted was to have Valerie with nothing between them—no secrets, no fears, no regrets. “I love being inside you. I love feeling your heartbeat under my fingertips. I love to please you.”

With every word Diane thrust a little harder. Her teeth skated over Valerie’s neck, and when Valerie tightened around her fingers, she sucked on the delicate skin of her throat.

“Oh my God,” Valerie moaned, pushing against Diane’s hand. “I’m coming. Oh God, it’s so good.”

Diane closed her eyes tightly, concentrating on Valerie’s labored breathing, her soft cries, the pounding pulse that beat around her fingers. She carried her smoothly to a peak, and then again, until Valerie buried her face in Diane’s neck and cried silent tears. Diane rocked her and caressed her face.

“It’s all right, darling. Everything is just exactly as it should be.”

“I’m not used to anyone touching me that way,” Valerie whispered. “Sorry, I can’t…my control…”

Diane laughed. “Oh, I hope you’re not apologizing. You’re beautiful when you come. I never want to stop making love to you.”

Valerie laughed weakly. “That’s one thing I’ll never ask.”

When Cam walked into the kitchen at 5 a.m., she found Valerie seated at the table, her hands inert around a mug of coffee. “You’re up early.” Cam helped herself from the fresh pot on the counter. “What’s on your mind?”

“Henry called.”

“Are you ready?”

“More than ready.”

“But?” Cam watched a litany of emotions flit across her face. Anger, unease, resolve.

“I know things are going to move quickly once we start planning the operation,” Valerie said. “So I wanted to talk to you before the briefing, What I am going to say is just between you and me.”

“I’m listening.” Cam could guess what was coming. Valerie was used to working alone, being alone. She had never learned to lean on others—so like Blair that way.

“If something goes wrong, we both know it’s very unlikely you’ll be able to extract me,” Valerie continued. “I don’t want you to try. Collateral damage would be high, and…” She glanced down at her hands, which she’d folded on the tabletop, and then into Cam’s eyes, “My life isn’t worth yours or one of the others’.”

A gasp cut across her words. “It is to me.” Diane stood in the doorway. “Damn you, it is to me!”

“Diane!” Valerie jumped to her feet and caught Diane as she turned to flee. “Diane, wait, you don’t understand—”

Diane whirled back, her cheeks pale and her eyes blazing. She knocked Valerie’s hands away. “What do I not understand? I just heard you tell Cam she should let you die rather than risk someone else’s life. Every single one of them risks their life every day protecting Blair. Is she so much more important—” She broke off and covered her face with her hands. “Oh God, I can’t believe I’m saying this.”

“That’s enough,” Cam said steadily, rising to her feet. “No one is going to die. And no one,” she said, her eyes fixed on Valerie, “is going to be left behind. That’s the last conversation I intend to have about this.” She pointed to the clock. “We have a briefing in twenty minutes and we have a lot of planning to do. I expect you to be on time, Agent Lawrence.”

Cam walked out without waiting for an answer.

“I’m sorry,” Diane whispered, turning away.

Valerie gently caught her shoulders and embraced her. “No, I’m sorry. I’m sorry you had to hear that. I never should have talked to Cam about this here.”

“But you’re not sorry for asking her to leave you behind, are you. I thought you said you loved me.”

“Oh God, I do,” Valerie said desperately. “But can’t you see, my whole life has been leading to this point, and I couldn’t live with myself if Cam or one of the others suffered for the mistakes that I made.”