“Bullshit,” Cam said dismissively. “Number one, you’re part of the team. Number two, it’s not your miscalculation. Number three, I was going to suggest you meet with him myself.”
“Really.”
Cam rubbed her neck wearily. “Yes. I think we’d break this eventually, but I don’t think we have the time. We can’t stay here forever. Blair has public obligations. Diane has a life, and I think—no, I know—they’ll try to get to you through her. We have to draw out your handler and Matheson on our terms.”
“I agree. Besides, I never did enjoy waiting for someone else to dictate conditions.”
“Then let’s start calling the shots ourselves,” Cam said fiercely.
“All right.” Valerie hesitated. “May I ask you a personal question?”
Cam smiled. “There’s something left about me you don’t know?”
Valerie touched her sleeve, then dropped her hand. “Many things, I’m sure. This is about Blair.”
“Go ahead.”
“Do you tell her about these things?”
“Oh man, ask me something easy.” Cam slid her hands into her pockets and walked the length of the room, then returned. “I tell her as much as I can because that’s my part of what keeps us together.”
“And what’s hers?” Valerie asked.
“She tries to understand why I do what I do and doesn’t ask me not to.”
“She’s going to be unhappy about this.”
“Possibly, but not nearly as unhappy as Diane is going to be.”
“I haven’t decided if I’m going to tell her.” Valerie returned to the window. “It will be beautiful here if it snows.”
“You know, I’m the last person to give advice on personal matters,” Cam said, standing beside her.
Valerie laughed softly. “But?”
“You should tell her.”
“Why?”
“Because you owe it to her. You let her fall in love with you. You could have stopped it.”
“I couldn’t.” Pain filled Valerie’s voice. “I couldn’t because I needed her so much.”
“Then you forfeited your right to make unilateral decisions.”
“Your approach to relationships is something like battle planning, Cameron,” Valerie said.
Cam lifted her shoulder. “You use what you know.”
“What I know is that I’m not going to run anymore. From anything.”
“The only way we’re going to know if Henry has turned is if he makes a move to take you out.”
“Yes,” Valerie said evenly. “In this particular instance, the length of our relationship works against him. He’s used to thinking of me as a subordinate. He’ll probably be suspicious, but I don’t believe he’ll truly see me as a threat.”
“He’ll still have the first shot.”
“I’ll just have to duck.”
“Let’s hammer out a plan with Felicia and Savard so you don’t have to.”
“I’m not going to like this, am I?” Blair stepped away from the canvas she was painting and faced Cam, brush in hand.
Cam smiled crookedly. “Probably not at first, but—”
“Just tell me, and let me decide.”
Cam moved a few more steps inside the door and studied Blair’s new work. She’d never seen her paint a portrait before, and this one caught her by surprise. Blair had captured Valerie’s innate loneliness in her remote expression and the faraway focus of her ice blue eyes. Cam found it hard to look away as she crossed the studio to her lover.
A roaring fire blazed in a large stone fireplace against the far wall. The only other light came from several spotlights that Blair had focused on her easel. Blair wore a faded red plaid flannel shirt a size too big, faded jeans, and moccasins. She had been engrossed in working on a small area of shading and hadn’t heard Cam enter the room at first. Cam was sorry to have disturbed her.
She put both hands on Blair’s shoulders and kissed her. “That’s beautiful.”
“So is she.” Blair gave a quizzical smile. “I haven’t been able to get her face out of my mind. I’ve seen beautiful women before, but it’s not just that she’s attractive. She’s hauntingly sad and yet so strong.”
“The sadness will disappear the longer she’s with Diane.” Cam rubbed her cheek over Blair’s hair. “Mine did.”
“Cam,” Blair wrapped her arms around Cam’s waist and caressed her back. “You sound a little sad right now.”
Silently, Cam shook her head and kissed Blair’s throat, then brushed her lips over Blair’s ear. “I love you.”
Blair leaned back, keeping her thighs tight against Cam’s, and smoothed her palms over Cam’s chest. “Oh, darling. I love you too. Now tell me the bad news. I know you didn’t interrupt me just to remind me why I love you so much.”
Cam winced. “I need to talk to you about an operation we’re planning, and I need you not to tell Diane.”
“Please Cam. I can’t just stand by and watch Diane be used—”
Cam shook her head. “It’s not like that. It’s not that I don’t want her to know, but it’s not your place or mine to tell her about it. It’s Valerie’s.”
Blair snapped off the spotlights, leaving only the fireplace to illuminate the room, and walked a few feet away to face the fire. Cam watched the red glow cast Blair in shadows and dreaded the distance that was about to come between them.
“Valerie is going to arrange a meet with her handler,” Cam added.
“Is that safe?”
Cam said nothing.
“You don’t know, do you? That’s the reason for the meeting, to try to…what, make him show his hand?”
“Something like that.”
“This was Valerie’s idea?” Blair glanced back at Cam. Beyond her, through the window, the night sky was devoid of moon or stars. The ocean was a distant thunder that might have been the sound of bombs falling.
“Yes,” Cam said, “but I was going to suggest it if she hadn’t.”
Blair shook her head wearily. “You two are far more alike than I ever realized.” She paused, her expression rueful. “Appearances can sometimes be so deceiving. Valerie looks so much like the woman she was supposed to be—the kind of woman who would spend her time acquiring fine art and appreciating the company of a handsome woman like you in her bed.”
“Blair—”
“And of course,” Blair went on undeterred, “she is those things, isn’t she? But she’s also as single-minded and stubborn and…and reckless, in her way, as you and all the rest.” Blair threw up her hands. “God, Cameron. Is there no other way?”
“We don’t think so.”
“I know there are things you’re not telling me, but you don’t need to spell it out for me to know how dangerous this is. How worried about you do I need to be?”
Cam kept her gaze steady but she flashed on Valerie, alone, with a man who very probably wanted to kill her. “I’ll be backup. It’s far more dangerous for her.”
Blair tilted her head as if listening to something that hung in the air between them. “You’re frightened. Frightened for her.”
“I always worry about my team—”
“No, it’s more than that.” Blair closed the distance between them and settled her hands lightly on Cam’s waist. “It’s okay. I know how you feel about her.”
Cam shook her head. “No. You don’t.”
Blair smiled wistfully. “You are everything in the world to me. And you love me perfectly, Cam. Perfectly.”
“I wish I did.” Cam frowned as she skimmed her fingers through Blair’s hair. “But I swear I’ve never loved anyone like I love you, and never will.”
“See what I mean?” Blair kissed her softly. “Perfectly.” She traced the column of Cam’s neck and slid her fingers underneath the collar of her blue button-down shirt. “I’d like to ask you a favor.”
“I’ll do it if I can.”
“Let Savard lead the operation. You’re too close to Valerie and I’m afraid of what you’ll do if she’s in trouble.”
Cam rested her forehead against Blair’s. “I have the most experience with operations like this. Savard is not a hundred percent. I can’t let Valerie do this without the best backup possible.” She looked deeply into Blair’s eyes. “It has to be me.”
When Blair framed Cam’s face, her hands trembled. “Promise me that you will not sacrifice yourself for her. I don’t care about your duty. I don’t care about your honor. I care that you come home to me. So you promise me that.”
“I…” Cam thought about what it meant to have Valerie and Savard and the others place their trust in her, to lead them into danger with the pledge that she would guard their well-being with her life. She thought about what it meant to ask for the love of a woman. She had asked for Blair’s love, and her vow had been sworn the first time Blair had said I love you and she had not walked away. “I promise.”
Diane found Valerie on the beach.
“I’m sorry if you wanted to be alone.” She kept both hands in the pockets of her coat, even though she wanted to touch her. “Savard and Felicia came up to the house for a late supper and said that you’d gone for a walk.”
Valerie slid both arms around Diane’s shoulders and kissed her softly on the mouth. “Don’t apologize. I’m glad to see you. I’m sorry I lost track of time.”
“It’s cold and you don’t have any gloves.”
“I’m fine.”
Diane pressed close to her. “You’re not. You’re shivering.”
Valerie smiled. “Let’s go inside, then. Have you eaten?”
“Not tonight. I was waiting for you.”
“Sorry.”
Diane kissed her lightly. “Stop saying that.”
“All right.” Valerie took Diane’s hand. “Let’s grab something quick to eat and warm up in bed.”
“If I have a choice between you in bed or a meal, I’m not going to need dinner.”
Valerie laughed. “Then let’s go to bed first and have a midnight snack later.”
“What I have in mind might take longer than midnight to accomplish.” Diane drew Valerie’s hand into her pocket as they climbed through the dunes. “I want to make love to you because I’ve been thinking about it all day.”
“I think I hear a but,” Valerie said gently.
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